Recall the warm fuzzies of that enchanted Valentine’s eve you were serenaded by strolling violinists over a beautiful candelit dinner before taking a quiet walk home into a night of prime star-gazing.
If only the Hallmark experience were your own. You tried your best to replicate that feeling, but there wasn’t enough room for the violinists to walk between all the extra tables crammed into the dining area, you couldn’t even hear your date over the deafening noise of clanging cutlery, you had your choice of exactly three four-course meal options, your steak was rubbery after being left under a heat lamp for forty-five minutes, you waited on a cab for half an hour afterwards or else braved an equally long trip to your car, a drugingly slow trek along a row of vehicles parked to the edge of downtown, and your stargazing plans were thwarted by your average February freezing rain. Oh, yeah. That warm fuzzy feeling in your stomach? That was IBS, the most common symptom of Valetine’s planning stress, chocolate binges (especially that one during Valentine-writing), and dress shopping. Your date had it worse; he was forced to make the reservation two months early, and that was before he knew you prefer seafood.
Welcome, Valentine’s Day, bringer of the cheesiest jewelry specials, cheapest filler-filled chocolates, and most chemical-treated, sickly-looking roses on the planet.
If your experience wasn’t enough to make you swear off relationships every February 14th of the rest of your life, you’re the kind of hopeless Valentine’s optimist who thinks every approaching Valentine’s that the day won’t suck the life out of your romantic experience this time. I think that optimism is unwarranted, but having braved the traffic, bad chocolate, cheap tennis bracelets, and pesticides, you deserve a chance at a happy February 14th. So, if you and your present significant other (really, truly) must do the heart-shaped brownie with red cherry-like goop filling, all-day stomach-squeaming routine, here’s to making it work.
1) Get creative.
I mean really creative. If you’re in for a traditional Valentine’s, buck up now, and recognize that making your day special is going to be a thousand times more impossible…er…difficult, than designing a special date any other day of the year. Keep in mind your spontaneity would be better appreciated any other day, as well. Consider picking up food from your dinner place of choice and moving your candelit meal to a cozy, private venue. Bring a bottle of wine and a CD player, and remember not to break into anyplace important.
2) Change the date.
Sometimes, it really is that simple. Your creative approach to Valentine’s backpacking isn’t ideal in February anyway. If you didn’t have a creative approach, enjoy your favorite fancy restaurant when it’s not packed full of Valentiners. And great news: the chocolates go on sale after the 14th. By avoiding the official Valentine’s eve rush, you’ll also be saving a table for singles, who battle crowds at even chain restaurants reserved for casual Valentiners and are often banished to Pizza Huts or WalMart parking lots, forced to spend their evenings poking fun at disheveled men rushing to purchase last-minute flowers.
3) Start something new.
Resolve to thwart the Hallmark myth together and invent your own tradition. Have a movie marathon and order a pizza with your significant other, or do whatever it is you can do together, happily, to celebrate the day in a way that makes you love February 14th. Chances are, memories of walking a mile and a half in the sleet while wearing your new heels after the dinner from Hell aren’t going away anytime soon, but at least you’ll have new ones. Looking for part of the Hallmark myth to buy into? Consider (quality) chocolate truffles. They’re great with buffalo wings.