I was walking through the store the other day when I encountered a child having a tantrum. While the noise of it was mildly annoying, that wasn’t the part that disturbed me. The part that disturbed me about the tantrum was the fact that the mother was only encouraging it, though she probably didn’t realize it. I actually wanted to help her, but having experienced that sensation of feeling like I wanted to pull my hair out with my own child from time to time, I simply moved on and minded my own business. In truth, I felt that situation like these often call for a video camera so that we as parents can see how our own behavior often prompts out children to misbehave. I certainly didn’t feel that she would welcome that or the suggestion that what the child was doing was actually appropriate and a great opportunity for some emotional teaching.
When kids have tantrums, we parents have one thing in mind. It’s a big stop sign that pops in our heads. The emotions run so close to the surface at these times, that we miss the chance to actually teach our children something. That’s because before we teach them quality lessons, we have to understand the knowledge base they’re working from.
It’s normal for young children to have tantrums and the fact is that some people have tantrums well into adulthood because they never got taught the valuable lesson of expressing emotion appropriately. The fact is that it’s not only normal for your child to have a tantrum at some point, it’s a great indication that they are trying to express emotion rather than suppress it. Of course, they need to learn a new way, but that’s where you come in.
We all use the tools that we have at hand. Children have no idea how to persuade you with speech or use a productive physical activity to exercise frustration and anger. The next time your child has a tantrum, give them options. If need be, wait until they calm down and show them what they could do instead of having a tantrum. Of course, that “no” word is going to be the trigger for some of these experiences. If this is the case, just don’t give in so that your child can actually learn what “no” means. But please, don’t yell at them. Yelling at your child only shows them a new version of a tantrum.
More from this contributor…
How to Control Anger
What is Behavior Therapy?
How to Empathize
Refernces: Personal experience