With all the latest news about bullying in school it makes one wonder where the parents are and why are they not more involved in their children’s lives? Now I’m not speaking only about parents of the perpetrators, because it’s obvious there is some dysfunction in the home and we know they are not doing their job as parents.
I have my own theories as to why the victims’ parents are not more proactive. One, they may not be aware of their child being subjected to bullying, meaning the communication has broken down somewhere. Second, the parent or the home of the victim is dysfunctional much like the home of the offender and third because the parents themselves suffer from low self esteem. If a mother of a single parent home has a poor self worth, walks around with a “woe is me” disposition, then guess what so will the children. Raising children as a single parent is no joke and it’s definitely not the time to start bowing down. As exhausting as it might be we must always remain vigilant to what is going on in our households. I once thought that the only challenge to a single mother was those raising boys. The greatest task is keeping them engaged in positive activities and surrounding them with positive male role models to avoid being enticed into the street life. The same goes for girls as well.
You! Parents, single mothers, single fathers where are you when your children are being bullied? Even animals in the wild go through great lengths to protect their young. While raising my son I will never forget how encouraged I was by the story told by retired Detroit Pistons’ Guard Isaiah Thomas. He spoke very highly about his momma and how protective she was over him and his siblings. He described how a neighborhood gang tried to recruit he and his siblings and when she found out, she came outside with a shotgun and scared them away. Isiah’s mom reminded me of how deep a mother’s love is for her children and the risks she would take to secure their safety and well being. However, this does not disregard fathers who feel the same. But there are many fathers who are embarrassed if their sons are being bullied at school and encourage that machismo mentality and many people in our communities embrace the idea that being bullied is a natural progression of development, thinking it builds heart, especially in boys. But, I am here to give all of you a wake-up call! Bullying today leads to death and too many of children are living in fear.
Things are definitely not as they were back in the day, growing up in neighborhoods where you had to fight to survive. Girls were forced to fight not only each other but the boys too; either at school or in the neighborhood it was a way of life. Heck I remember when my mother got tired of me coming home from school crying after being bullied by a neighborhood girl and refused to let me in the house until I defended myself. My son Jamal was in 3rd grade when he had his first encounter with John the bully. Well, everyday my cutie would come home in a timid voice and tell me how John would hit him and the teacher would do nothing. I asked Jamal, “Did you tell the teacher?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“I dunno,” he answered in a shy voice.
“I will help you take care of this, but first you have to do your part and stop running scared.”
Instruct your children to tell any other authority figure -After your child has told the teacher or another authority figure about being bullied and nothing has been done, then write a note to the teacher explaining the situation (example given in The Myth of the Broken Home-Guidebook for Single Parents).
Well, it’s been a few years since my son was in third grade, however I always taught him to avoid fighting if he could. The bigger person is the one who can walk away. Now that speaks volumes coming from a person who grew up fighting in my neighborhood and on into my adult years. But before you judge, I didn’t start fights nor was I a bully. It was just a way of life.
Parents don’t be afraid to go where your child says he or she is being bullied – If it is at school definitely contact a school administrator. If it’s when your child is walking to or from school, take the time to walk with them. As single parents, we cannot ignore any matter that our children try to communicate with us. There is no one else for them to talk to. Listen to everything they have to say. Again, I am not saying allow them to speak whenever they feel like it or to be disruptive, but set up a time for you to have the dialogue. Keep communication open – Always have an open door policy with your children. More importantly pay attention to signs of isolation and claims that they are too sick to attend school. Many single parents are quick to abandon their parental responsibility once they become teens.
Although teens may appear as an adult they are far from that and a parent’s involvement is critical during this period of development. How confusing it must be for them to feel rejected at this age or at any age. Bill Cosby was right when he said, “Teenagers yearn for structure.” Now, why did he say that? It was all I needed to hear, to reinforce what I was doing as a single mother with my son at the time.
Don’t allow your children to bully or tease anyone – Don’t allow your children to tease, belittle, or even be a bystander of such behavior. As a bystander your child can be held accountable with the culprit if someone is hurt. Criminal psychologist have labeled this behavior as the “bystander effect” meaning in an emergency situation or when a person is in need of help, the more bystanders around the less likely it is that someone will help.
Yes, it is sad when you’re doing your best to raise your children to be respectable individuals and then there are other parents refusing to do the same. The only way the issues of bullying will be eliminated is if we all do our part and get involved. It’s necessary because our children are dying and it’s not funny.