High School is over. You’re probably either looking for full-time work, going off to college, or on your way to serve in the Armed Forces. Have adult fun, you’ve earned it! But be very careful, and beware of some of the pitfalls of the latest younger generation.
1. Tobacco Use:
This article is not intended to be a list of leading ultimate causes of deaths among the young, but if it were, tobacco would top that list too. Most people who start smoking do so before age 18, and virtually all smokers start by age 25. Don’t start, and if you’re already hooked, God help you. Long term, smoking is the biggest health IED you can step on, and stats show that your odds-on “quit method” will be the dirt nap. Furthermore, it will cost about a million bucks for you to die a slow, agonizing cancer/emphysema death, and other people in the insurance pool will need to pick up that freight. Thanks! Chewing and dipping are very cool and popular these days. Less hip are the crippling oral cancers these tasty poisons cause. Plan on expensive surgery, commonly resulting in patently grotesque facial disfigurements, which can likewise wreak their havoc on users even before age 30! BTW: good luck getting laid with half a face, guys.
2. Bad Driving, Drunk or Otherwise:
Traffic accidents, from all causes, are the leading immediate cause of death among the young. Drunk driving, drugged driving, tired driving, texting, reckless need for speed, and road rage all contribute to the preventable highway carnage that your grandmother prays against every night. Worse yet, a high percentage of total road deaths and injuries affect the innocent victims of the criminally irresponsible drivers listed above. If that’s not enough, the legal and financial consequences of bad driving decisions can utterly ruin your life, even if you don’t end up in a wheelchair. Put your “progressive,” environmentalist mindset into action and walk, or take a bus.
2. “Experimentation” with Heroin, Coke, & Meth (Speed):
Sample these Death McNuggets and you might well be “Chasin’ Jason” for the rest of your short and hideous life. Things will be tough enough without having the timeless addict’s monkey on your back. It won’t happen to you? LMFAO. Do you think anyone ever intended to end up with a $500/day smack habit? Do you think chicks working disgusting streets for crack are out there to soothe their nymphomania? NEVER try these deadly drugs, in any form. Not even once.
3. Unsafe Sex:
Everyone should know the risk of AIDS by now, but recall your 8th Grade lesson that there are at least a half-dozen other STDs on the loose that can substantially alter your quality of life, permanently. Who wants to marry someone with an incurable crotch rot? Or simply hepatitis, herpes, or HPV/genital warts? Keep that advice in mind before making really stupid long-term decisions about short-term sex partners. Abstain from all anonymous sex, agree with any prospective partner to pass mutual blood tests BEFORE getting down to it, and don’t cheat while happily dating/doing your certifiably-clean partner. If you must break these immutable laws of the sexually active, use reliable “protection” EVERY time, and pray very hard to come away clean.
5. High-Dollar Debt on a Low-Dollar Degree:
Almost everyone borrows to pay for the truly exorbitant costs of modern, painfully-mediocre higher education. But do the realistic projected-income math before incurring heavy debt against a lightweight degree. And don’t think it’s SOP to buy that new motorcycle, amp stack, or spring break wardrobe with your education loan money. You’ll be paying for it for a very long time. On the other hand, borrowing for a post-grad is almost always a good investment, if you actually spend the dough on school, excel academically (3.5+), and get it done on schedule.
6. Bad Spending & Bad Credit History:
The annual fall freshman spending spree is the most sought-after income stream of every drooling college-town retailer, bar/restaurant, and bank (looking to bolster otherwise-crap revenues with your overdraft charges). Come to your senses: you don’t need any more posters, download services, or overpriced Chinese-made T-shirts or other crap. Most importantly, forget using credit cards unless you (or your folks) literally pay them off every month. Sorry, but your brilliant “buy now, pay later” plan is not new, and won’t work. You could go from teen learner’s permit to adult bankruptcy in far less time than you might think. Plus, you’ll be relegated to living back at home, or in some rat’s-nest dive, because you can’t get a lease on a decent place when it’s time to experience the greatest joy: finally living alone in your own place for a bit.
7. “Professional” Gambling:
Who the frick are you, Lefty Rosenthal? Yeah, right. Don’t sweat the occasional buck on a Powerball ticket, or a $2 bet on the Rose Bowl, but if you think you’re gonna be the pseudo-wise-guy who pays for college (or starts a business) with his online poker or bracket genius, NBA handicapping, or by cleaning out the local Indian casino, the true odds are fully stacked against you. So is the law, in cases of illegal wagering. Skip it, Mark, because they all see you coming from a mile away. “The House Always Wins in the End” is not an urban legend. It’s the only Sure-Thing.
8. Ignoring Clinical Depression:
Clinical depression among young adults is at epidemic levels. Don’t be afraid to ask a medical professional for help. At the least, getting help is far less embarrassing than explaining some half-assed suicide attempt, which is where you’ll be heading if you ignore this potentially critical medical condition. No worries, you’re NOT nuts; you have a highly treatable chemical imbalance. Would a diabetic not take her insulin? Don’t dump it on everyone else. Deal with it.
9. Establishing a Poor Work History:
Believe it or not, real-world employers like to have something to go on when they hire young people out of high school or college. You might not need to work, and you may have top grades, but a few good employment references can push you over the top in this highly competitive job market. Work, and work well, even if you don’t need the money now, and even if the work is only very-part-time.
10. “Jackass” Behavior, etc.:
Thankfully, the world has already been blessed with one Steve-o, and we honestly do not need another. Avoidable accidents and piss-poor judgment ruin far too many young lives. Are a few transient laughs on Youtube really worth the sacrifice of your nads? Unlikely.
Furthermore: NEVER mess with local cops. You’ll certainly out-debate them on the “facts” with your superior beer-driven logic, but you’ll be celebrating any victory behind bars for the night (or longer) while you calculate hefty penalties, same fines and/or jail which will not be a subject of any debate with the judge.
Walk yourself (and your teeth) away from ALL bar fights, don’t put your name on the community keg, and always stay off the rickety, over-loaded, drunken party balcony. Never serve booze to the underage, and don’t pretend to be the local Pablo Escobar, unless you’re worth billions, own half of Columbia, and want to die young. Oh, and that guy you just sold an oz of the latest chronic to is not your friend, even though you’ve known him for months. He’ll sell you out as fast as it takes to get himself off the hook with the law and his pissed-off parents.
If college-bound, leave your bad high school habits at home, along with your firecrackers, oversized bong, and know-it-all attitude. If not college-bound, consider enrolling. You’ll make a heck of a lot more money in the long run, even with a community college degree, which you can earn for a relatively fair price.
Of course, dropping out of High School is the most asinine thing you can do, so don’t, or go back ASAP, or get a GED, as the case may be. Good luck! You’ll need it in this day and age. Again, have fun, but use the brain you know you have.