The other day when I was babysitting my nine-year-old brother John, he called me an “idiot.” This was after I had told him that he needed to push his chair back and not sit so close to the television. Idiot – how does he know this word? Has someone called him this because he has Down syndrome?
My initial reaction was to hug him, then tell him to get in timeout (he’s not allowed to say bad/mean words). I turned off the television so we could talk about saying “mean things,” and he snapped at me to “leave the room” (another infraction, back talk is not allowed).
While John doesn’t always understand everything he says (the complexities and nuance of certain words) I have been around him long enough to know that he has a definite grasp on a lot of word associations; therefore, he probably knew that he shouldn’t say those things to me.
John is usually a pretty well-behaved kid: he’s fun to be around, caring, and kind. His main problem is that sometimes he doesn’t listen.
When it comes to disciplining my little brother, I’m the family softy. My nature isn’t to be tough with him; I try to establish respect in different ways. I still haven’t fully determined the most effective way for him to understand action-consequence correlations.
The last time John was tested on his cognitive abilities, his motor skills, behavior and speech, he tested at three years, four months compared to development of children his age. Tests don’t mean everything, or can even quantify a person, but I have to acknowledge where he is developmentally. It won’t do me, and more importantly him, any good if I always operate on my own intuitions and observations.
Initially, I had reacted to John’s behavior, him calling me an idiot, but I realized that I was even more upset that I didn’t know how to properly handle the situation.
My family wants to treat him like any other kid, but we also don’t want to punish him in a way that he doesn’t understand. There is debate on whether parents (or in my case, siblings) should spank children, especially those who have intellectual disabilities, so I try to figure out more creative ways of discipline.
Discipline can sometimes be a difficult conversation for parents/family of children who have intellectual disabilities. On the one hand, we want our kids to be the best, most respectful people they can be, and on the other, we might not want to be too tough, because the world can all ready be so hard on them.
Every child is different, on their own spectrum of cognition and behavioral understanding, so families must tailor their discipline style and make on-the-spot decisions.
In the case of John-just-said-a-mean word, my grandmother and I had a conversation with him about back talking and we made him take a nap.
After his nap, he apologized and told me that he thought I was “fantastic.”