Kids that are victims of divorce have lots of problems getting over the breakup of parents, but they can have just as much trouble dealing with loss when a dating relationship ends, especially when they were close to their parent`s ex boyfriend or girlfriend. This type of loss can feel like a death to a child, and unlike parents that divorce, the kids do not have the comfort of knowing they will ever see this person again. Visitation is not usually a possibility for a number of reasons. Read on to find out how to help a child get over a breakup when a parent was dating, and comfort them in realistic and positive ways.
Use Age-Appropriate Honesty to Help a Child Understand
A child does not always have the capability of understanding problems between dating men and women, and they should not have to worry about a breakup no matter the reason. However, when trying to help a child get over a breakup, it is important to be honest about the circumstances behind the failed relationship. The child might have been treated like gold by an ex boyfriend or girlfriend, but they should know the truth behind the breakup. To help them move on, use age-appropriate language when explaining what went wrong, and make it clear why it will not be possible to ever see this person again.
For example, if a boyfriend was blatantly and continually disrespectful by making inappropriate comments about women, or if he had unacceptable issues with anger and impatience and it resulted in a permanent breakup, help the child to understand. They should fully comprehend why this type of behavior is unacceptable if they are old enough to know right from wrong. Chances are the child noticed, and if it is not explained they will think it is common and acceptable conduct, especially if the parent was dating this person for longer than just a few weeks. Kids are able to grasp more than many parents realize, before and after a breakup, and they deserve to know what went wrong when the facts are presented on their level. Talking about the breakup will help in more ways than one.
Provide Entertaining Distractions
A child might mourn the loss after the breakup, and this can be very difficult for the parent and the child. When my former boyfriend and I went our separate ways, my nine year old daughter said it hurt her heart, and she cried her eyes out. We had been dating just more than a year. Although he was not always kind and loving toward me, he treated her like a princess, and the breakup temporarily broke her heart. She was angry and sad for weeks after the breakup, and she seemed grouchier than ever – until she realized it was for the best. Letting her slowly forget was the greatest help of all. I was more sad about how she felt than how I had been treated.
When trying to help a child get over a breakup, provide entertaining distractions. Avoid talking about the person you were dating – unless of course the child initiates the conversation. Spend more time than ever with the child. Chances are you will have more time for all kinds of activities, and this is a great way to help the child while turning something negative into something positive – and all while moving on with your life in much more positive ways.
Source: Personal Experience