Dealing with injuries to children requires a delicate balance.
If you ignore the problem, you risk looking like an uncaring parent, not to mention failing to address potential health problems. But the other extreme, excessive fussing over the boo-boo can embarrass a child. And many parents worry that lavishing attention on a child – particularly a boy – after a physical or emotional injury can create a crybaby. Or worse, the dreaded “Momma’s boy.”
Concerned about how you deal with your children’s bruises? Here are four facts to make the task less daunting, whether you are dealing with wounds from sticks and stones, or from the words that can hurt just as much.
1) You will not make your child a crybaby by showing concern for him when he skins his knee. When the boy hurts himself, feel free to kiss it and “make it better” if you wish – and if he doesn’t mind. Such compassion won’t weaken your son. But if he doesn’t want you to fuss over him, then respect his wishes. 2) You need not worry about whether your child is a crybaby until he demonstrates that he is. At that point, you can deal with the problem. The best way to defuse a crybaby is to ensure that his cries do not gain him special treatment. Don’t ignore him if he has a legitimate concern. But crybabies want attention. So if no attention is needed, don’t provide any. 3) Momma’s boys are created, usually by the Momma. They don’t generally evolve on their own. And while the strong attachment to Mom looks cute on a toddler, the older a boy gets, the more ridicule he will receive from his peers and the more difficult it will be to cut to cord and grow up. Mothers can keep their sons off this path by encouraging them to be independent at an early age. I’m not talking about telling a 5-year-old who has broken his arm to rub dirt on it and go back outside. But when you minster to your son’s wounds, limit the babying. And it’s OK to let children deal with a few of the minor problems on their own. Yes, you can do it better and faster. But experience breeds competence, and many kids can deal with minor stubs and snubs without parental assistance. 4) Empathy is not a weakness, but a skill. And most kids learn empathy from their parents. Don’t worry, all you parents of tough guys, it’s OK for even the roughest of boys to show concern and compassion when someone else runs into trouble. Most children start to gain empathy around age 5 or so, though it can happen earlier or later, depending on the child. Demonstrate empathy by showing compassion for your child and for others, both verbally and through your actions. We all know the neighbor or the guy at work who seems unmoved by even the most serious situations that affect other people. That’s callousness, not toughness, and you don’t want your son to grow up to be that guy.
…..
Bob Sweet is a syndicated advice columnist and father of two. If you’d like to submit a parenting question to Bob, send it to [email protected].