My daddy, no not p. diddy, was born in Limerick, Ireland and immigrated to Australia when he was a wee-old young man, but he’s still managed to keep his lucky Irish accent. He sounds like a mini-me version of Sean Connery, James Bond 007, who he thoroughly loved and mimicked – ‘yes Money Penny, yes yes’. Isn’t it cool, isn’t it sexy, isn’t it unbelievable to have an accent – ‘ooo where are you from?’ My fiancé is African and sounds very sexy, almost like the daughter of ‘Bob Marley man’ (in Jamaican accent). At times I don’t understand what she is saying, but it sounds great anyway – ‘what was that babe? Oh ok, whatever you say’.
Now what about actors, now that’s a tough role, swapping accents like a deck of cards or wardrobe of designer shoes. It’s an American accent in one movie – ‘God Bless America’, and an Italian accent the next, ‘Tony, come to me (God-father voice). They’d be having an identity crisis – ‘hey you, yeah you there, can you tell me who I am, because I have no idea’. ‘Um, er, yeah, well….’ ‘Well thanks a bloody lot mate; so I’m Mr. Nobody now am I.’ ‘Well you said bloody, maybe that’s something there for you to ponder on’. Bloody sounds a lot like…Aussie.
Let’s here it for all the Aussie actors who’ve made it big overseas. The poor things, having to use another accent instead of the best accent on the planet – ‘huh, what?’ – you guessed it, Aussie – ‘Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, oi, oi, oi’. ‘Yeah right, bullshit’, for all the others out there.
Maybe that’s why they invented the blinds company title ‘Accent Blinds’. Australia, multicultural, heaps of accents, we’ll call it Accent. I wonder what accent the installer of the blinds will use today – ‘mmm, Greek or Russian’. They’ll be employing actors to take off the different accents. People will be getting blinds installed just to hear the boss, phone operater or installer use a first-class accent – ‘now that was a fantastic accent; I can’t wait to here the next one’. ‘Yeah honey, how many blinds do we have now? Haven’t we heard enough accents already?’ ‘Now babe, I can’t get enough of those accents. I think I have to go to Accents Anonymous and get some major rehab.’
Wouldn’t it be good to have a room of people with different accents, and to just sit back and observe. They’ll be heaps of – ‘heh, what did you say again sorry?; can you repeat that.’ People will be walking out in confusion – ‘what did he say again?’ There will be a DJ to mix it up because it will be mixed up (maybe not, that’s a lot of mixing) and Pavalova cakes to add some sweetness to the mixing. And Accent Blinds will make a special guest appearance.
What about people who lose their accents after a while? – ‘no, not the Brogue’. My dad had a lovely Irish brogue, or accent; sounds like rogue. People wouldn’t be understanding him and he’d be getting away with murder. It’s almost like Peter Pan, having to remember your unique and fun side again – ‘you know, you used to sound like this (in Irish accent)’. ‘No no, I sound like this now, it sounds great (Aussie accent).’ ‘Are you kidding me (in high-pitched voice); this original accent is so much fun and better; all the things you used to get away with’. ‘heh heh, those were good times weren’t they (in Irish accent again). I bet if they had an accent contest I’d win it.