COMMENTARY | I enjoy a good, long kiss as much as the next guy. Giving and receiving. But as far as trying to break the world record for the longest kiss, count me out of that one. Get this: There’s actually a Valentine’s Day kissing marathon going on right now. Seven Thai couples are in the process of trying to break the world’s longest kiss record.
This kissing marathon is being held in the Thai beach resort of Pattaya, just about 60 miles southeast of Bangkok. By the way, the world record for longest kiss stands at 46 hours, 24 minutes, and nine seconds. Now that’s a kiss.
The rules of the contest break down like this:
Each couple has a space of one square yard where they are to do the kissing. Okay, that part is not so bad. That I could deal with. At first anyway. But then after some hours you start sweating, maybe your deodorant fails, it could go south in a hurry.
Food and drink must be taken in through a straw. Not the greatest of scenarios but I could hang with that. Like I’d rather kiss someone that’s drinking a coke than someone that decides they want like a hamburger with extra onions. You follow? Onion breath is simply intolerable.
Teeth brushing is prohibited. OK. Problem. Big problem. No way I want to be kissing someone with yuck mouth. And also, I don’t want someone kissing me when I have the yuck mouth. The only solution I have here is gum. Tons of it. Gum would help with the halitosis factor.
No bathroom breaks during the first three hours of the contest. After three hours a judge will go along with. Where to start here? OK, a group bathroom break is not cool. I don’t want an audience. I’m not real wild about standing (or sitting) in front of the one that I’m kissing with a chaperone. That’s a zero on the hot/romantic scale. Plus I wouldn’t want the judge to be checking out my undercarriage and whatnot. Not that they’d want to look, but still it’s a legitimate concern of mine.
See, the contest sounded all romantic and stuff at first. But upon further examination It seems more gross and somewhat unhygienic. I think for Valentine’s Day I’ll stick to more of the traditional type of things. Candy, pink monkeys, cards, etc. But by all means if this is for you, start practicing and maybe you and your partner can enter next year.