Ahh lunchtime, what a cherished time of the day! No other time is more anticipated, other than the time to go home. We dream of lunchtime and covet it. It’s a special time when work is forgotten, hated peers are ignored, and “work-related” friendships are strengthened.
Then it happens. As you make your way to the lunchroom, mouth drooling and heart pounding, you remember the delicious sandwich your wife prepared for you this morning. Then you sense that something is terribly wrong.
You open the door to the lunchroom and there he is, Simpson, standing over the lunch table like a vulture circling its prey. God you can’t stand him. Wait a minute! What is he doing? What is he eating? That’s YOUR sandwich!!! Initially you’re paralyzed by the shock of it. Then your anger wells up. What should you do next?
What most likely has happened to you in this situation is what is referred to as Post Traumatic Lunch Disorder or PTLD. PTLD is a debilitating mental disorder that results from experiencing or witnessing a traumatic, tragic, or terrifying lunch event (such as Simpson eating YOUR sandwich). The symptoms worsened when the experience is initiated by a person, such as a hated peer, as opposed to a nonperson event like your sandwich falling on the floor.
If you or someone else experiences a traumatic lunchroom event, first call Human Resources, Employee Relations, and the Legal Department (there could be a lawsuit) then quarantine the person experiencing the event to a quiet part of the lunchroom. Next call the PTLD hotline. The specially trained counselors will help treat the victim’s symptoms. Finally get the traumatized person a peanut butter sandwich; (peanut butter is known to help reduce the symptoms of PTLD).
PTLD can also cause Tourette’s Syndrome. You will know if the person is experiencing Tourette’s if the person’s normal vocalization is now extremely loud and their words are repetitive and slurred.
PTLD can also create feelings of depression and a feeling of deep loss. This is manifested in the following ways:
Guilt: (feeling that it was your fault because you abandoned your sandwich).
Apathy: (the suppression of emotions such as concern, excitement, motivation and passion; ie. saying things like I didn’t really love that damn sandwich anyway).
Despondency: (feeling your better off dead now that your sandwich is gone)
Also, there could be a morbid preoccupation with feelings of worthlessness, prolonged and serious functional mental and physical impairment, psychomotor retardation, and hallucinatory experiences of thinking that he or she hears the voice of or transiently sees the image of, the expired sandwich.
Only allow trained personnel to counsel and treat the affected individual. Permanent psycho-emotional damage can result and the person affected may never have a normal lunch experience again.