The overall objective to parenting is producing successful, happy children that become successful, happy adults that are capable of providing for themselves. As a parent you are to offer your children your guidance, support, love, knowledge, and care. What you teach your children as a young child will affect them for the rest of their lives. As in any other line of work (yes, parenting is work!) there are rules and guidelines to follow to ensure your business (family) runs like a well oiled machine.
Do:
· Show your children you love them. Children don’t always read between the lines. If you want them to know you love them, you must actively express love to them. · Lead by example. Children are VERY impressionable. They will play follow the leader as a game with friends but they will also do this without thinking. You must set the example of behavior your kids must follow. · Know your children and their friends. When caring for a patient in a hospital the doctor must look at their medical history and get to know them before treating them. The same goes for children. Just because they are your child does not mean that you know them by default. Find out what they like to do and who they hang out with. · Talk to your children. Discuss their feelings and interests. How does your punishment affect them? What would they enjoy more of from you as a parent? What do they not like from you? Is your punishment an effective way of disciplining them or just demeaning to them? Do they feel loved by you? · Support your children. Positive reinforcement can go a long way. Child rearing should not always be a dictatorship. When wrong has been done, they must be corrected but so many parents forget to praise the positive.
Don’t:
· Take your stresses out on your children. As a parent, a large amount of stress you carry comes from the worry of “proper care” of your children (Am I a good parent? Did I handle this the right way?). You must never lash out at your children or neglect them when you are stressed. The truth is there is no “right way” to be a parent. Everyone makes mistakes, you can’t beat yourself up over it and you CAN’T take it out on your kids if you feel like you are failing. · Treat each child the same way. No two people are alike. What works for one child may not work for the next. When it comes to showing love and closeness and disciplining your child, two children (even those from the same home) may take the exact situation in totally different ways. Learn what works for your child as an individual. · Make all decisions for your children. Some parents think that they are saving their children from heartache when they choose their child’s friends, boyfriends/girlfriends, or educational avenues. Children do need guidance from you but will they always welcome it? Of course not! You must be able to allow your child to make their own decisions. They must learn to make their own mistakes and be able to bounce back from it. This is where your good parenting kicks in – how they handle life after disappointment or failure. Hopefully they have learned from you that things will be okay. They have your support and are instilled with knowledge and wisdom in order to move on with life. · Make success impossible. If your child feels that he/she will never be “good enough” in your eyes, they will never strive for excellence. If a child is discouraged about a failing grade or a bad decision, don’t just mindlessly agree with them by expressing disappointment in them. You must encourage them to try harder the next time around. · Compare your child to another. “Why aren’t you more like your brother?” Because no two people are alike! Don’t group your children into a category together. Their development occurs at its own pace and is incomparable with another. This is interpreted as a parent who cares for one child more than another. No child wants to feel like they are compared to another and they definitely don’t want to feel like they are second best.
The key to raising a successful child is to remember that each person is an individual and that what works for one will not always work for another. Always be available to children when they need you. Be close to them. Encourage them. Love them. There is no set of rules to raising children but by following these simple steps you can aid in the production of a successful adult.