Every single day from a financial standpoint and business standpoint is a very worrisome stress. Every day it just seems to have gotten no better and as a person who has prided himself on being self made and handling my own problems. Finally the pressure just got to the point where I simply just could not handle it on my own. As I stated earlier, it is a shame that it takes such stress to get someones attention to look to God.
I ask the question, how can anyone be sure there is a God who is there for the person who has a complete and total faith. How do you go from being your own man to just being in total need for God. Can you really just go from a lifetime of living and thinking one way and all of a realize that the only way to truly live is to give all of your self to God. I fully realize that this is a must from an intellectual standpoint but I have to confess that I still am very stressed and am constantly thinking how will I get things resolved and what do I need to do, and then it occurs to me that as long as I think in terms of “I”, then I really haven’t fully given myself to God. I feel like if someone who lived a life of complete faith in God were in the exact same set of circumstances as I am in, they would not be stressed, they would think more clearly and they would have no doubt that that God would get them through it. These problems are bigger than I can handle and I know that unless I hand them off to God and put all my faith in Him, then I am living the wrong life as I alway have only this time I would be living my life the wrong way with the absolute knowledge that I am. Before living my life the wrong way never crossed my mind that I was.
The changes that I feel though is I am thirsty for the bible, I am thirsty for books on the subject of faith, and I have CD’s in my truck that I listen to on faith rather than the radio, and I get a great deal of peace from it. I can say this, I will never go back to my way of living from before. A life of God is my only path, but I seem to be stumbling to get on it. I will get there. In regards to the Indoor Soccer Field that is on the brink of foreclosure, I was lying on the sofa and a St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital commercial came on and it was inspiring and gut wrenching at the same time and the idea came to me that the Indoor Soccer Field if given just enough capital to get it open, would be very profitable. What if the profits for the life of the Soccer Complex were given 100% to the children’s hospitals. How much would that raise over a 20 year period? In today’s economic environment, finding a investor or investors is nearly impossible. People are scared into doing nothing for the most part. But there are also a large number of people who would get involved in a project like this because they are not looking for a financial return. Their return comes from making one child’s life better. The plan that came to me, and I take no credit in thinking of it, was to go to the Investment Institution that had their funds embezzled with some of the money being used for the soccer field construction and getting an agreement from them to invest in the final getting it open, and workout a repayment plan. Once that happened, then I could go to people who donate into the children’s hospitals and create a board for oversight. On top of that I would agree that at the point the building was paid for, it would be donated into the charity and the charity would own it and continue to use it to raise money as a debt free business year after year.
I would think that raising capital for this cause with a different group of people with a different set of goals would be easier and far more rewarding. I have twins and when either of them got really sick as in stomach viruses or bad fevers where they were just miserable, I was just felt crushed and would do anything in the world, to relieve them of their discomfort. Imagine the child and the parents who have a truly bad sickness or a terminal illness they have to deal with. There are not much worse things than I can imagine. If I could be a part of helping those people dealing with that, I would do it. I was really down when my twins were sick, and I mean down. This pales obviously in comparison to what too many children and parents are going through.
The next day I was visiting with the city of Longview officials to make sure we had no code issues to reopen this up with, and I got very good feedback. When I got in my truck after the meeting, I had a message from the president and CEO personally of the financial institution in Dallas that had been embezzled from, and they wanted me to come to Dallas with a plan and they would look to inject the capital into it to get it open with an agreement to get them back their lost money. The first thing I would point out is I myself never would have thought this up on my own, and the financial company out of the blue contacted me to get a resolution. I did not make this happen. Secondly, the business itself would be and will be extremely profitable, so if I were so inclined, I could take the money, open the business and profit myself personally and forget the charity and the cause. I could rationalize it as a moment of weakness decision I made, but the truth is it was a rare moment of strength that the decision was made, I can honestly say that if a person were to step forward and make all my financial problems vanish but I had to not proceed with the plan to raise money for children’s hospitals, I would not take the offer. The decision is etched in stone, and furthermore I do believe this is God doing this and I would be going against His wishes. I also know that I want to be a part of a positive force in children’s hospitals.
I am still in terrible shape in everything else business wise, but the chance to do good things for others has presented itself and in my heart I am committed wholly to it. No amount of money or personal comfort would stand in the way. This is a journey. Not an easy one, but a journey I am committed to.