By: Khamila Mayes; Penn State Alumnus and mother of two.
Like many, I am a huge fan of reality TV. Jersey Shore; Basketball Wives; Teen Mom, and Love and Hip Hop are just to name a few that I tune in to watch faithfully. There are a lot of things that one can learn from reality TV: Fist-pumping and GTL (Jersey Shore), how to pronounce famous designer names correctly (Basketball Wives); though I had my daughter at 16, I came to the conclusion that children should not endure in sexual acts because they’re not mentally prepared for the consequences (Teen Mom); I learned that Jim Jones makes more than $10,000 a show (Love and Hip Hop), along with many other life lessons.
I also enjoy watching the Real House Wives of Atlanta. The show is pretty good; entertaining like the others. One episode left me in a state of amazement and had me a little bewildered. After watching the episode “Law by Sheree”, I was livid. It was disgusting. Housewife cast mate, Sheree, was trying to retrieve child support from her children’s father. It was unsuccessful. He delayed the hearing by blind-siding Sheree and her lawyer and good friend, Pheadra. What a prick. Though that’s not the kicker; before appearing to court, Pheadra insisted that she have him reprimanded and incarcerated until he pays. Sheree refused. BUT there’s was something else that left a horrible taste in my mouth; housewife cast mate and former esxape group member, Kandi, projected to every viewer in America (single mothers and deadbeat fathers included) that She had a child support battle with her daughter’s father previously, and after being tired of fighting, she said, “I can take care of my child. I don’t need you.” What!? Granted the women on the show are financially fit to support their families, but I’m pretty sure that none of them created their children by themselves nor did they have sperm donors. Scientifically speaking, humans are not capable of an asexual reproduction…YET. Why is it okay for men to not have as much responsibility as the women if they contributed to the conception of the children?
When I had my daughter, I graduated high school, and soon attended Penn State University. I worked two part-time jobs, barely making ends meet. I got help financially from both my parents and my daughter’s father mother, but when an infant is born, it takes a whole village to raise him/her. Her father barely contributed (He currently has a warrant out for his arrest due to lack of child support payments) I was called a money hungry bitch by my daughter’s father and some of his friends. I can be disregarded any way by people who make assumptions and not get easily offended. My intent was to support my daughter. Her father and I conceived her together. We both weren’t ready for such an immense responsibility, but we did not take the measures to prevent pregnancy…with that being said, if I can work, go to school, and make an attempt to support OUR daughter, so can you.
We as a community, as a planet, handicap men in their parental responsibility. It’s a shame. This world still faces gender inequality. We still face sexism. It is instilled in men’s brains (and some women) that women are solely the nurturers; the homemakers; the objects. Boys are taught and socialized at a young age to rough play, play with trucks, and be emotionless. The boys soon grow up to be men; most of them with the intent of having women cater to them. They belittle women. They degrade women. They abash women. Unsurprisingly, we women are socialized to please men; participate in our objectification and to judge our worth by physicality. When children are involved, men are no different; they continue the cycle with their children.
So you mean to tell me that men are too worthy of being emotional support systems AND financial support systems? Women, do we really have a use for men anymore?
Men, stop making excuses. Women, stop making excuses for these men.
Men are capable of being nurturers. Men, especially black men; kiss your son. Embrace your son. Congratulate him when he does something outstanding (besides hitting a home run, or kicking a field goal). Women, educate your children properly. Teach them equality. Women have a place outside of the household. Let’s not forget, women have invented some of the most essential objects…like the windshield wipers on cars (I bet many of you all didn’t know that J ). In Conclusion, 1+1=2; math will never be altered.