How do you deal with those who criticize your parenting? Do you exercise the mother bear roar, the none-of-your-business snoot, or the “excuse me, what did you just say to me?” approach? Take a deep breath, count to ten and continue reading. Here are a few loving ways to deal with that critical person in your life:
1. Remember WHO you are as a mom. This critical person, whether passing friend or permanent relative, truly has no power over who you are. That person’s opinion of you doesn’t make a lick of difference in who God created you to be. You shouldn’t be striving for the Mom-of-the-year pin from this person. I love it when my children say, “Mom, you’re the best!” especially if I haven’t just given them a cookie.
2. You can politely ask them to stop. In the classic movie Bambi, Thumper’s mother cautioned her young bunny, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Sometimes the negative person needs a gentle reminder.
3. Consider “distancing” the critical person. Have a “weather relationship” and talk about easy topics, like the weather. Even if they try to intrude, you can carefully steer them away from that touchy topic of parenting. “I don’t really want to talk about that today.” Use a follow-up question to redirect the conversation to something they like to talk about. “I’d rather not discuss that. How did your mom’s surgery go?” I found a good response to those who criticized my parenting to be, “That’s something we are working on right now. What was one of your biggest challenges with a five year old?” You may even gain valuable knowledge. Remember that even the critical person has had struggles in their parenting as well. Be a good listener. Criticizing their past actions would undermine any good you are trying to accomplish.
4. Be grateful for the cheerleaders in your life. If you need to be encouraged, seek an encourager. My best encouragers have always pointed me to scripture during my doubting times. Do not look to the critical person and expect them to be a source of support. You will set that relationship up for disappointment on both sides. Keep your expectations in check.
5. Check your own heart. Make sure you are not the negative gossip pointing out parenting mistakes. Be the encourager. I recently found this acronym for THINK before you speak.
T-Is it true?
H-Is it helpful?
I-Is it inspiring?
N-Is it necessary?
K-Is it kind?
This tidbit has helped me to think before I respond.
Sometimes there is no escape from encountering a person who criticizes your parenting. Like bad drivers, they are always there, using the passing lane for their personal tour of the state. Patience and perseverance along with some conversation redirection and boundary setting will go a long way in dealing with these pesky persons.
Sources:
Quotes worth remembering
Don’t Let the Jerks Get the Best of You By Paul Meier, M.D.
Seven Habits of Highly Effective People By Stephen Covey
Other Parenting Articles from Tracey Westphal:
Tell Me Again–Why Is Self-Esteem So Important?
Teaching Your Children About the Chinese New Year
Top Five and Worst Five Things About Homeschooling