First, you come to the slow realization that your child isn’t hitting milestones at the rate as other kids of the same age. The doctor tells you there could be a problem. Tests are run and you’re told that your child is mentally disabled. It’s a devastating blow that takes, for some parents, months or years to accept. Eventually, though, there’s no denying it. When it happened to me, and I gave birth to a mentally disabled child, it was noticeably immediately. It crushes your heart when you think of the challenges the poor child will face in life and the things that he or she will never get to experience. You can’t change the facts but you can change how the child will grow up, and how well you – as well as the child – will develop. Your initial response might be to cry or get angry, hold the child and spoil it but, when you stay rational, you’ll be able to give the child the best upbringing you possibly can. That’s important because it can determine whether your child can be at home with you or will have to be housed in a special facility, and whether your child will have a place in society, and be able to work, and more.
Yes, you’re angry, upset, sad, and depressed. But don’t let the situation get you down. That’s hard to do, right? Tell yourself that you are the child’s best friend – which is true – so you’ll need to pull yourself together and change your outlook in order to help the child. First and foremost, if you cry and are sad all the time, your child will learn to be that way, too. That will make it difficult to take care of him or her. Put on your happiest face everyday – even if you have to fake it – and help your child grow into a person who has a real place in the world.
Resist the urge to hold the baby for hours on end or you’ll wind up with a baby who won’t quit crying. Don’t do the opposite, though, and fail to hold and love him. Some parents, when hearing the news that the child is mentally disabled, are so sad and withdrawn that they find it difficult to hold the baby and nurture him. Do what you have to do to get up and take care of the baby. He or she is here – make that life matter. If you’re happy and helpful, he will learn to fit right in with the rest of the world.
As a mentally disabled child grows older he, like many children, might try throwing a fit, throwing a toy at you, or otherwise misbehaving. If you handle this problem while the child is a baby you’ll raise a well-behaved child. One of the main reasons that a mentally disabled child is placed in a facility is because of behavior problems, like spitting, cursing, scratching, biting, kicking and hitting. One way to teach a young child to be a good child is to show him that he ends up alone by being a bad child. Simply remove him from the room where he is misbehaving and don’t let him come back until his behavior changes. You won’t have to do this many times before he will realize that bad behavior equals being all alone.
Although inappropriate behavior is one of the biggest problems with mentally disabled kids you should never spank or hit the child. Don’t ridicule him, call him names, threaten him, or talk inappropriately to him. That will only teach him to act the same way. You don’t want a child – disabled or otherwise – to go around telling people to “shut up”, calling people bad names, or screaming curse words. Once this behavior is learned it’s almost impossible to control it.
There are some great schools and programs now for helping your mentally disabled child succeed to the best of his or her ability. Many of these start teaching mentally disabled kids much earlier than other schools begin teaching. Some of these schools will begin helping your child almost from the moment he or she is born. Don’t get in the frame of mind where you just leave it all to the teacher. At home, work with your child in areas of respect, self care, chores, counting, recognizing, and other things he or she will need to know in life. Yes, he might be limited in the things he can do but, with your help, the limitations will be fewer.
There is only so much a parent or guardian of a mentally disabled child can do. Some disabled kids are more functional than others. Sadly, it might be impossible for you to take care of the child at home. Don’t be afraid to admit if you just can’t do it full-time. There are professionals who can. If you choose to put the child in a facility for the disabled, in almost every case, you will be able to visit or take the child home with you whenever you want. If you are looking for another option consider in-home assistance. Search online for places in your area who offer respite, in-home care, and other services for the mentally disabled; you’ll find many. If you can find a support group in your area that will be very helpful. You’ll be surprised at how many tips and helpful hints that other parents who have dealt with children’s disabilities can offer.
If you’re determined to raise your mentally disabled child yourself begin teaching him or her at a very early age. Keep your child in clean clothes, with hair and nails kept clean, and teach the child to do these things himself, if possible. Yes, it’s often quicker and easier to do many things for the child but resist that notion. Work with him, as often as needed, to teach him to do as many things as possible.
It’s shocking and sad when you’re told that your child is mentally disabled. Take a little time to recover from the grief, put it away deep inside you, and give your disabled child the best life you can. To ensure that, start early, teach as much as you can, and seek the best teachers and schools. Don’t make excuses for why your child should be allowed to disobey, be mean to others, throw fits, refuse to do what you ask, or otherwise act in an inappropriate manner. You’ll just be harming him or her in the long run. The best thing you can do is to teach your child to be cheerful, responsible, clean and mannerly. It’s important to know that you can make a huge difference in how hard or how easy it will be for your child in this world. There will be many things he or she will never be able to do but you can’t change that. The only thing you can do is keep him or her presentable and teach the child to do as much as possible on his own.