Recovery Without Complacency

Everyone I know (including myself) who has experienced trauma, not only initially looked for negative ways to cope, but also later took on a new attitude. We become more abrasive, edgy, short tempered and angry. We become independent, but not in a good way. We become known for the chip on our shoulders, rather than for what in many cases used to be smiles and a kind demeanor. We become this way, because our hearts have become hardened and cold and the way back to normal is anything but easy.

What about when we get close to our normal lives and things are feeling good? Some who are reading might not yet be there, but rest assured, when you get there it will be worth the hard work. For those that are close to good or normal or whatever you would call it, you know exactly what I’m talking about. It’s that point in recovery where all of the treatment is starting to pay off and a new sense of awareness is achieved. Medications have been worked out between patient and doctor, and the proper chemical balance now allows the patient to think, focus and concentrate with an ability that used to be strange. Coping skills are so much more than coping skills: they are a blessed discovery and can even become an enjoyable part of life. It is important not to become complacent, and self-contingencies have been established for stressful situations that arise or triggers that are observed.

It’s almost as if there are no obstacles that could block the patient’s path, but sometimes, in the midst of all this success, something happens. A button is pushed that was partially unexpected and for a moment that thought that you have grown to reject enters your mind, accompanied by a feeling of doubt. Why and how is this possible, when we are leaning forward in the saddle and things are going so well? First, the obvious fact about the world we live in: The deck is stacked against us and these negative situations are different for all of us.

For example, the other day I went to work and I was feeling great. I hadn’t thought about having a drink in days and, let’s face it, we all think of the negative coping skill of our choice once in a while, whether it be a beer commercial or alcoholic beverages on a store shelf. Either way, I was feeling great, until another individual said some hateful and rude words to me. After that, for a large portion of the day, I felt down and my mind began to wander. For a moment, I thought about a drink and I quickly dismissed it. But what if I had been weak in that moment?

Let me back up to the root of my problem that day. My mistake was the very second I gave that other individual power over me. We have to remain in control of our train of thought. It’s hard work at times, but it is essential. The subconscious mind still does and always will crave any addicts’ drink or drug of choice. Experts such as Retired Colonel Charles W. Hoge explain in detail how powerful the subconscious mind is. It is crucial for those in recovery to focus on, maintain and constantly strengthen their will-power. How do we do this? We become better educated.

This can be done in more ways than one. It’s more than just reading various books about our disorder, because many of us are already doing this. For those who are not researching their disorder, I strongly encourage them to do so. There is a world of knowledge out there on PTSD and it gets more and more attention all the time. I appreciate reading other peoples’ experiences and what works for them in their recovery. Another way – and I will mention this more than once – is to seek higher academic education. From personal experience, I can say that going back to school has been very beneficial for me and my recovery. Due to the fact that I first experienced trauma when I was just eleven-years-old, I lost the desire to excel in school as a child. As my recovery progressed and I began to feel and realize that I was indeed getting closer to a normal life, I regained the desire to go back to school and that’s exactly what I did.

Turns out, I’m actually good at it. I’m much better at school now at the age of thirty-two than I was as a kid, because I no longer have the disconnect that existed in my brain for so many years. Where my traumatized mind rejected school, ditched school and failed classes intentionally, my clear mind now strives to do the best I can. I do my very best to get the best grade I can. I study hard and I even do extra credit assignments. My worst subject throughout my entire childhood was math, but as an adult and after much treatment, I now love math and I’m actually pretty good at it. I am currently pursuing a bachelor’s degree as a radiologist assistant. It is very exciting and it is my recommendation that everyone strive to further their education. For me, it is a feeling of accomplishment and I learn something new every day.

By educating ourselves, listening to the experts and achieving a higher academic education, we are able to strengthen our minds and repair our mental capacity, which helps us grow toward a normal life. By building ourselves up physiologically instead of tearing ourselves down, we are able to once again become excited, motivated, and emotionally in tune with our loved ones – and that alone is worth the effort. – excerpt from the book, A Marne Mind: A Soldier’s War with Recovery by Cy Mulholland, currently in production.


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