Preparing for the Girlfriend Visit

I’ve been relatively quiet on the Yahoo! ContributorNetwork because I’ve been so darn busy lately:

I’ve had to move to a new town, begin a new job that requires lots of intensive prep work and training (new teachers get to enjoy two weeks of inservice, set up their classrooms, and get all course preparation materials ready), and set up a new apartment with all the utilities, furniture, and accoutrement a young man needs.

Oh, and I have to figure out a new gym routine and learn where everything is at the new supermarket at which I’ll likely do most of my shopping.

Basically, building World History and U.S. Government PowerPoint presentations has taken all of my former ContributorNetwork ranting time.

But no more! Today I got some afternoon time to labor over the Classical Era of history, PowerPointed my way past Alexander the Great to the start of the Roman Republic, and managed to create printouts which I will distribute to hundreds of smiling faces on Monday morning. So I have a few precious moments of writing time in which to inform everyone of a new daunting task:

The Girlfriend Visit.

My beautiful girlfriend Brittany, an amazingly accomplished and somewhat feisty young woman from nearby Lubbock, is visiting me in Midland for the first time (I reluctantly moved away from Lubbock a few weeks ago). Aside from my heart, this lovely lass has imminent knowledge of fashion and decorating and plans to decorate my apartment for me.

I’ve already put a few things on the wall, so don’t tell her…

Anyway, the Girlfriend Visit is upon me in mere days. How should a twentysomething male prepare for the arrival of his long-distance sweetheart? Let me count the ways:

1.) Clean, clean, clean. No girl likes visiting a dirty apartment. If your place is dirty, clean it up. Invest in a vacuum and a broom and dustpan, as well as a mop of some sort.

2.) Air fresheners. You need ‘em. But make sure you get nice, high-quality ones that women will appreciate. I just bought these motion-sensor air freshener monstrosities that, since you’re not yet used to the sound of them, will scare you silly in the evening when you walk past. The metallic hist sounds like the quiet scream of a demonic ghost and will make you jump. She will not appreciate it.

3.) Well-stocked fridge. The stuff you love to eat is probably not what she wants to eat, especially if she’s anywhere near health-conscious. Ask her what stuff you should have on hand and then go and procure it from the store. My girlfriend demanded, in no uncertain terms, good coffee to be accompanied by Splenda and half-and-half.

If you’ve just moved to a new city, learn the layout of the supermarket quick to find the stuff your girlfriend desires. It will be an arduous task that will make even the most manly man cringe: Supermarkets, when unknown to a newbie, can be complex, confusing, and downright perplexing. And, if you foolishly go at 6:30 PM on a weeknight, they will be chock full of slow, stupid, overly-wide, annoying shoppers who clog up the aisles like concrete through a funnel.

4.) Cable TV and Internet. Your sweetie will probably want to watch stuff on television at some point, and nothing is sexier than a man who can afford to provide mindless entertainment at the click of a remote control. My girlfriend likes watching trashy reality TV, as do I, so I ensured that I got my Suddenlink cable and ‘net service transferred from my former Lubbock apartment to my new Midland digs ASAP.

We have to have something to watch while we sip our awesome coffee, which she’d better love because it was expensive coffee!

5.) Plan some sights for her to see. This is your new town, and it might get boring just sitting around in your apartment at some point…so get out and find something to do! My new town (okay, I grew up here so I already know the few tourist-y places to go) has some decent museums, a nice mall, and a few top-of-the-line restaurants.

Find one museum, a nice shopping center, a park or other outdoorsy activity spot, and two nice restaurants. Write them down, Mapquest ‘em, and know how late they are open. If you need to, make reservations in advance.

6.) If there’s stuff she wants that you are unsure about (such as the brand, or type, or style, or whatever), take her to the store with you when she arrives. That option, while not subtle, is better than spending big bucks on the wrong thing because you couldn’t understand her instructions over the phone.

If she’s going to make more than one trip to your faraway abode she should be willing to go to the Wal-Mart with you to pick out what ________________________________ she prefers.

Well, that’s it for now! Time for dinner and then to an office supply store to invest in a printer for my new classroom. Maybe afterwards I’ll hit the Roman Empire on the PowerPoint and Wikipedia my way over to the Qin dynasty before some late-night TV and a phone call to the prettiest girl in Texas!


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