In the Mean Time..

One of the most annoying things that you can say to a person who is going through a bad breakup, is that time will fix it. Have you ever noticed how all these self-help geniuses always say that everything will be better in the morning, but they never really say what you can do about now. In fact the obvious question that derives from this theory but incidentally is not often asked or answered is “What the hell do I do in the mean time?” In my mind, the first step to recovery is making sure that the breakup was not your fault. After all if someone is too stupid or too crazy to realize what a catch you are then dating them had to have been a public service activity of proportions consistent with Mother Teresa’s much touted acts of kindness. So get a sheet of paper and a pen, or a laptop (whatever floats your boat) and write down all the reasons that you are amazing. This is the time to dredge up every caring, considerate, sensitive or romantic thing that you have ever done and document it for posterity. If you cannot make a list or if it ends at number one then your ex should be reading this not you. In fact more power to them. Now, turn over the paper and list everything that was annoying about your partner. Include every compromise that you have had to make for your relationship, every insensitive comment that they have ever made, every birthday or special occasion that they missed, everything that you had to pretend to like and every time they have ever cheated. The lists should be as different as night and day making them consistent with their purpose. One helps you to get through the day and the latter is going to be extremely comforting at night. I will leave the order up to you.

Another important step in my opinion is to wallow. I am a firm believer that people underestimate the power of this activity. In fact I believe that it is one of the most critical steps in the healing process. Maybe your life does suck. Acknowledge that. The concept that life is never as bad as it seems is both cheesy and stupid. In fact it probably is worst than it seems. Face it or you won’t be able to fix it. There is absolutely nothing to be gained by walking around life with blinders on! Accepting your reality does not make you weak! It puts you in a unique position to create a new one!


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