If the Airlines Flew to Heaven

If the airlines ran the flights to heaven
You would be stuck in Chicago
aka Purgatory
for three hours while they de-iced the plane
No baggage fees, as you will have no baggage
In winter, your flight may be delayed
That is why it is best to die in the summer
No food service
No toilets
You are nothing but spirit
It used to be
you could fly to heaven yourself
But too many midair collisions
made God nervous about law suits
Thus the airlines took over
You only have to buy
a one way ticket
No ID required
No pats downs before you board
God just looks into your soul
which is pretty much
all you have left
anyway