Let me make this clear from the beginning. The cellar did not originally have a rowboat in it. That came later, much later.
You see the whole day started out much simpler with my wife mentioning the washing machine was acting up. “I think I should call the plumber.”
Understand I take statements like that as a personal affront to my dignity. Which may explain the dining room light which blinks on and off at random times and the security system that occasionally refuses to shut off at 2 a.m.
“Are you sure?” said my wife skeptically.
“Did I do a good job on the doorbell?” That was my one success. Hooking up the doorbell. A shining beacon in my otherwise dismal home improvement record.
“Alright, I’m going shopping, I’ll be back later.”
“We’ll be fine,” I said, giving our Portuguese Water Dog Clancy a pat. As the door shut I looked down “So Clancy you ready to tackle that washing machine?” I think Clancy and my wife had been talking. The look he gave me had a look of definite disdain. I ignored him, after all Clancy had his issues too. Mainly a water dog who was petrified of getting wet.
Back to the matter at hand though. I new some thins about washing machines. Or instance the first thing you do is turn o the water. Which was where the problem started. The valve was stuck, really stuck. As in 10 years and never turned off, stuck.
That’s when I went to the garage to get the wrench. Clancy was following closely. I’m sure if he could talk he would have said “Are you sure?” In hindsight, maybe I should have listened. I went to the garage and retrieved a wrench. Not just any wrench but the biggest, baddest wrench in the toolbox.
It was now a personal battle between me and the valve. And I wanted to be sure I was armed!
I attached the wrench and twisted. It mocked me. So I twisted it again. And that valve laughed uproariously as it popped off and water came spewing out everywhere. Which of course panicked my assistant Clancy who went lying o to the top step of the stairs, leaving a trail all the way.
This was not good, the water was rising quickly, as evidenced by my fastly dampening pants. The clock was ticking, my wife would be home soon and I would never live this one down. I slogged ac over to the defiant water pipe hoping somehow, I could screw the handle back somehow enough to shut it off. No luck. Not even when I tried to use the wrench for persuasion.
Which was about the time Clancy decided to get over his ear of water. I guess he assumed If I was going to be kind enough to put a lake in the cellar or him he could give the swimming thing another try.
With a look of panic and adulation in his eyes he dog paddled over to me. With one late ump on me that said “I did it!” the valve handle flew out of my hand and into the rapidly rising water.
Which is where the rowboat comes in. The small one stored in the backyard. I scrambled up the bulkhead stairs and grabbed for it along with a fishing net stored under the seat. I was soon afloat in the cellar with Clancy in the back. I began frantically searching for the valve with the net so I didn’t notice that Clancy excited about his new ability, dove off of the boat and sent me back into the water. I stood up triumphant, valve in hand, with my wife standing at the top o the stairs,shaking her head
“I’ll call the plumber,”she said.
Okay I admit it, maybe this repair was a little bit beyond me. But at least Clancy loves the water now. So the repair wasn’t a total loss!