What to Consider in the Decision to Go Back to Work

The youngest of my boys is now in school five days a week. They are not full days, but I suddenly have time on my hands. I am sleeping through the night for the first time in almost ten years. I shower every day. I clean my house (but not very well). I have started exercising again (on occasion). I have even started writing again (almost every day). My brain is recharging.

The parenting activities that took hours when the boys were younger, are starting to happen without me. The multi-tasking at dinnertime is more complex, but I am more confident in my approach to getting it all done.

So the guilt starts to gnaw at me… I should get a job….

I am smart. I used to make money. I used to manage people older than nine. I could, and should, be contributing to the world and to the family finances.

But how do I know if I should really go back to work? Is now the right time? And to whom do I turn for guidance when I am struggling with this decision?

I have found that, though they try to help, husbands, siblings, mothers, and friends all have their own agendas for me. Rather than allow my emotions to take over, or theirs, it is best to look at this as a very rational problem.

Spreadsheet it.

Look at the financial pros and cons first. Then looks at the emotional pros and cons.

Figure out what you would need to make to add to the household income. That means, take potential salary and benefits and subtract the price of what you are doing now. Think of your current job as mom and wife as a paid gig. My problem is that babysitting in my area is $15 per hour for three kids after taxes. That means I need to make almost $30 per hour to break even where childcare is concerned (and that doesn’t count sending them to camp all summer).

Things I do now that we will have to pay someone else to do if I work full-time:

Clean the house Pick up the kids at school (starting at 2:30) Help with homework Extra nights of childcare when I need to attend meetings or dinners Walk the dog in the middle of the day

Things my husband may have to share responsibility for:

Make the bed Laundry for five Dinners Grocery shopping and other random errands that come up Dry-cleaning Packing lunches Morning carpool Shoveling snow Staying home with a sick child Carpooling to after-school activities Attending games, concerts, parent-teacher conferences, etc.

If healthcare benefits are already covered, then I may want to look at part-time work only when the kids are at school. That’s hard to find, unless you are willing to work for close to minimum wage, which is tough for a woman with a Masters degree to swallow. Right?

So then you have to weigh the pros and cons of your emotional well-being:

Do you exercise now? If so, how do you maintain that? Which makes you feel more guilty (because you feel guilty no matter what you do) – not saving the world with your energy and intellect or not being home when your kids get home? Do you miss being challenged intellectually? Do you miss adult conversation? Do you thrive when your progress is being measured and reported? Would you miss helping with homework? Do you like to cook? How many times a week do you think families should have dinner together on average? Are you stressed about paying the bills? Do you have spending requirements that stress your family? Does your spouse want you to go back to work? Can your spouse pick up the slack or take on some of your current responsibilities? Are your kids ready? If not, what can you do to get them ready?

I admire mothers who work. I am amazed that they keep it together. I am inspired by their abilities and energy. Some, I know, have no choice. Others, I know, thrive on activity levels that would send me to the mental ward. Sometimes, I want to be just like them. And then there are days when I want to hold on a few more years to just being a mom and a wife. It’s such a luxury.

So in my conflicted mind, all I can do is spreadsheet it. No one else is going to tell me what to do. It’s just me and my spreadsheet. Maybe the right job will come at exactly the right time. And I will know, without losing sleep, that both my heart and my spreadsheet want me to go for it.


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