Short Story: One in the Same

One in the Same

He sits alone wondering if there’s a reason wondering if there’s a point to this life though he seems unable to even want to die. Thoughts leave soon as they arrive, and feelings fade as quickly as they arise. The world is clouded with a mist of seemingly nothingness.

She sits alone wondering why she’s broken. Why her happiness seems to make her cry. Wondering why she still wants to die, longing to run the blade across her flesh and feel the blood rush through her veins and leave her withered and as dead as she feels inside. Why they won’t just let her be she does not know, and he wonders why she doesn’t see she’s lucky to have anyone care enough to ask.

Two alike, but sitting in separate rooms with a routine death. It’s like watching his past played in the mirror before him as he watches her pain and the way she slowly dies. Savor the pain while it lasts. In time numbness will take over and a fear of feeling will grow inside. Take the pain as a blessing to know that you’re alive, and remember that you’re not alone.

Every day he tries not to care, and prove that it doesn’t matter. Slowly, he tries to destroy himself and forget about love. Every night he tries to cling, and hold her in his mind; tries hard to feel something more to make life worth while unafraid of all the pain. Locked to tight to open, but to desperate to quietly sit and die. Wondering shall this ever end, but too weak too end it all.

Now he sits awake knowing that it doesn’t matter what he does. Love will never come, and the world leaves him cold. She lies in bed trying hard to sleep, and he wonders why it can’t be so simple. He wonders why his thoughts linger and the feelings still hold onto something so hopeless. It seems he holds enough to know he cares, but not enough to make a difference. This seems to become his life, holding on enough to hurt and bleed but not enough for it to matter. Is this all he is? He’s just enough to be there, but not enough to matter.

Begging for a reason to get him through the day and make him feel alive, yet hiding when it seems a reason starts to form. Too weary and torn apart it seems, he’s lost more then he’s ever been. Heartbreaks make the thought of love harder to believe, second-guessing his feelings becomes all too normal. Soon as he thinks I love you he wonders if it’s true. For, so many times he’s said it, and so many times he meant it. But, what has that gotten him? Another lonely night and another lonely heart too weighted to go on but beating to strong to die just enough to survive.

Music plays in the room, yet a silence resides with in. No connection seems to reach him no passion love or feeling. Yet still he holds on to some small hope that things will be ok. Maybe one day he’ll feel alive again and find a reason that never disappears. Telling himself he’ll just stop caring, and let her be alone because it’s what she wants. But, in the morning he’ll forget and try just enough to remember that he cares.

She’ll stay close enough so he knows that she cares, but not enough to make a change. She’ll act like he doesn’t matter, but tell him she loves him before he disappears. Caring just enough to keep his heart alive, but not enough to matter, she’ll let him close enough to make sure he always cares, and never let him help her or open up enough. Just enough to tease than shut off in defense.

Knowing the way she is, he knows it’s best to fade. Let the summer drift him far away, to far too ever see. Forget the dreams of hope, and forget the words of love. He knows its best, but when he tries to forget he only wants to die. Each day she’s in pain it feels like watching himself die all over again, and there’s nothing he can do because she’s afraid. They’re afraid though he knows what she needs, and he could be everything but, a heart can only be broken so many times before the shards forget how to find there way back into the whole. Leaving itself scattered with others who refuse to give the pieces back.

Hopeless love is bound to him, and life is destined to break him. Loneliness is the home he knows, because with out it others break upon his heart shattering the pieces further from his being. How many hearts must break before he can glue his own together again? Would it even matter if his pain could mean something? Pain is nothing, pain is life but can he not suffer for another? He must suffer anyways so why not do some good? At least then it wouldn’t seem to hurt so much.

Nights he walks alone still holding to childish dreams. With some small hope she’ll come to him calling in the night. Each time a silent voice begs to her to come and take his life. Let him see another world, and spend eternity. Each night he walks through woods pushing past his fears, just hoping she’ll be their silently awaiting his approach. No words would need to pass as she gently takes his life, it wouldn’t even matter if she never awoke him from the deadened sleep as long as his darkened goddess freed him from this life.

At night when he begs for her, he longs for the gift of death to give to another. Thinks of sharing this new life with another who sits alone. A promise formed that he plans to keep. If this life were over would death somehow bring something new and make it all ok? What would she say to him if he offered her the gift? “We’re vampires” she said to him, but what if it was true? What would it change, if it changed anything at all? Would they just sit alone miserable for eternity wondering why it still hurts? Or would they be together with their newly shared life and death?


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