We all know that sometimes kids can teach us more than we teach them. As a profession, I work with kids in a therapeutic manner. Sometimes when working with kids on a daily basis you can learn a lot more about them and yourself. In the two years I have been working with kids, they have taught me a lot about myself and my relationships. They have helped change my relationships and how I approach different things in my relationship.
With kids many of us know we need to pick our battles. You don’t want to argue about everything especially if it is something small. I have learned how to let things go within the relationship. So what if he didn’t replace the toilet paper or put the seat down, does it need to turn into a battle? Or can I replace the roll myself and remind him to put the seat down? Of course I can replace the roll; there is no reason for there to be a battle. It doesn’t need to become a long drawn out battle where things are said and done that might be regretted in the future. There are always going to be little things in any relationship that get on our nerves, but we need to learn to pick the battles; Which are important and which are not. In a relationship you don’t want to be fighting over the small things, so just let them slide the way you would for a child.
Words have more power than we think. We all know the school yard rhyme “sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me.” How wrong can that be? Words can do a lot more damage than we think. Words can help a person feel loved or they can make us feel unloved. With kids they need to know when they do a good job or even simply saying “thank you” when you do something you asked them to do. The same principle applies in our relationships. We all want to know when we do something good or to hear thank you. Whenever my boyfriend does something I asked him to do like take out the garbage I thank him for it. Or I tell him I appreciate it when he makes dinner for me. Just as with the kids I work with I use positive words instead of negative ones. I don’t tell him the things he did wrong or point out flaws, but his strengths.
One of the best things I do with my kids is to pair something they don’t like to do with something they love to do. For example, while they do their homework they can listen to music. Or we play a game they want to play then afterwards we play something I choose. Again the same idea applies in any relationship. Instead of always doing something I want to do, we take turns in picking activities or things to eat. If I truly love someone why should we always do something I want to do? When I am working with my kids I am trying to teach them to accept doing things they may not want to do without throwing a tantrum. So why can’t we adults do the same thing? Why do we find it hard to do something our loved one wants to do without making a big deal out of it?
I teach my kids how to express their emotions in a calm manner instead of yelling and/or hitting. How many of us yell at our spouse for various reasons? I have begun doing the very things I have been teaching the kids I work with. I use coping skills I teach and remain calm while I explain how I feel and why. I don’t yell at my boyfriend knowing it could make him feel less than he is. If I feel myself getting upset I either walk away or occupy myself with something to calm myself down before I go back to discussing the topic that upset me. This way there are not as many fights and we both remain feeling loved.
Kids are constantly teaching me something new like being patient, or being trusting. I’m not saying I treat my relationship as I would a child, but I act in the same manner. I am more patient and willing to let the small things slide as opposed to fighting over small things and possibly hurting the relationship. I make sure he knows he is appreciated and does a good job with whatever he does. The same we would with a child. Telling a child they did good on their homework is the same as telling my boyfriend he does good at taking care of me. Thanking a child for cleaning their room is the same as thanking him for taking out the garbage. Everyone no matter the age wants to know that they did something good. Working with kids has taught me to change how I see and treat the people in my lives.