Theories regarding how to praise your kids are in great abundance and can be found in some of your most well meaning conversations with friends and acquaintances alike. It seems in general kids have become accustomed to getting praise from all sorts of things starting with good schoolwork to playing a game well.
The question is, have kids come to expect our praise and kudos for everything they do whether warranted or not? I found an article in the August issue of Parenting School Years well written and informative, that focused on this topic while paralleling with a lot of the same things I’ve learned in a few parenting classes I’ve recently attended and implemented some ideas from in my own family.
Leave Mediocrity Out
When your kids clearly have not given a task their best, whether it manifests in school work, helping with a household chore, or any other endeavor, rather than offering praise if that’s been your pattern, consider speechlessly nodding, or perhaps say something like — .hmmm, is the effort you’ve used for this your best? Even if they insist it is you’re accomplishing something by approaching the issue in this way.
In the past, I’ve found this approach helpful personally. It’s been an avenue I’ve used to get my child to think about doing their best, and in that way over time, I’ve found they will raise their own standards of their work. The best part is it all happens without much strong arming from mom or dad.
Leave Out the Small Stuff
Jobs that are part of normal family functioning like picking up his/her clothes from the floor, or washing dishes or the table after dinner are all part of the normal work-a-day schedule in a family setting. As such, they really aren’t all that worthy of the strong level of praise that they sometimes receive in the family setting.
Make an attempt to consciously try to recognize when that sort of thing is occurring during a normal day so you can avoid it. This will help to make it more meaningful to the child when the praise is actually warranted.
Choose Your Words Well
In my recent local parenting classes, I’ve learned that choosing your words well goes a long way.
Refraining from the commonly used “good job” phrase that has become so prevalent with parents, and instead going with something like “you’ve clearly worked hard on this” can go further in your child’s interpretation of how proud you are of their efforts in something they’ve done, rather than using words like “I love your artwork”. In this way you’ve acknowledged that you recognize their good efforts rather than just simply saying that something you like something they’ve done. When we recognize and acknowledge their own hard work, our kids feel validated.
Source:
Parenting School Years August 2011