Some families pick out their Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving. Some wait until the week before Christmas. Some open presents on Christmas Eve. Others wait until Christmas morning. When it comes to holidays, most families have their own traditions.
Today’s Families Aren’t Very Traditional
Today’s families, however, aren’t very traditional. In modern society, where divorce is more common and marriage is on the decline, it’s not unusual to find blended families that consist of stepchildren, stepparents and step-grandparents. In addition, more of today’s families consist of unmarried couples living together and incorporating their joint children as well as children from prior relationships.
With all of these variations of family, there are bound to be conflicts on how to honor long held and much loved family holiday traditions. Conflicts may arise when some family members want to throw a big holiday party, like they’ve always done, but others want to have a quiet evening at home, like they’ve always done. So what can a modern family do when everyone has a different idea about how to celebrate the holidays?
What are Traditions?
Before making any decisions, it helps to understand what traditions are and why they are important. After all, there must be a reason we fight so hard to keep doing things the same way year after year.
So what are traditions? Simply put, traditions are rituals. They are activities that your family values, that you have done in the past, and that you are likely to do in the future. Traditions are comforting because they are regular, consistent and predictable.
Traditions aren’t just for holidays. They may be something your family does every year, like going on a beach vacation in July. They may be something your family does daily, like saying grace before each meal. They may also be something your family has done for generations, like lighting candles on a special holy day.
According to Dr. Susan Coady, who holds a Ph.D. in Family Relations at The Ohio State University, traditions play an important role in family life. Traditions, Dr. Coady notes, encourage stability and provide a sense of history. They help span the gap between generations and bring a sense of continuity. In other words, traditions make families feel connected.
Tips for Modern Families
Mixing the old ways with the new can be difficult. To help you set your course, and navigate the murky waters of old and new, here are four tips to try.
Tip One: Have a Family Discussion
Before making any decisions, gather together and discuss your ideas for the upcoming holidays. Give each person a turn to talk about the things that are most important to them. Ask each person to explain why their old way of doing things was important to them and how it made them feel. Allowing each family member an opportunity to express their emotions will set the stage for future decision making and build a bridge of understanding among the family members.
Tip Two: Acknowledge the Past and Plan for the Future
Take a short walk down memory lane and acknowledge that the old traditions created many fond memories. Then move on to discussing what you will do going forward. Agree as a family on which traditions you’ll want to keep and which you’ll sunset. Draw out plans for how you’ll spend the holidays this year with the understanding that you may make changes next year if things don’t quiet work out.
Tip Three: Take Turns
In some cases, compromise may be in order. For example, your partner may have always attended services on Christmas Eve but you may be accustomed to waiting until Christmas day. In cases like this, it may not be necessary to choose one or the other. Resolve to do it your partner’s way this year and your way next year.
Tip Four: Establish new traditions.
With modern families, it’s important to stay flexible and keep an open mind. Don’t just dwell on the old ways and try to cram them into your new life. Make room for new traditions that represent the personality of your new family. Having a set of traditions that are not “yours” or “mine” will create a closer and happier family.
Relax and Enjoy
With all of the hustle and bustle, holidays can get stressful. By considering the old and welcoming the new, however, your family won’t have to stress about how to celebrate the holidays this year. Once you’ve agreed how to bring your family together in a way that respects the past and welcomes the future, you’ll be able to relax and enjoy the holiday season.