Someone in the Obama administration has tickled America’s funny bone with their newest attempt to identify and respond to those who criticize President Obama’s policies. AttackWatch has stirred the masses, many of whom are now gleefully snitching on their friends, neighbors, and even tattling on themselves. Here are some of the most entertaining reports via the Twitter hashtag #AttackWatch:
Hey, I saw 6 ATM’s in an alley, killing a Job. It looked like a hate crime!
@ attackwatch hasn’t tweeted in 22 hours. Does anyone still work there? Maybe #attackwatch only tweets when they get home from school.
I just parked my private jet in a handicap space, left it running & bought lemonade from little girls in yard w/o a permit!
I’d like to report my neighbour – Bob, for surreptitiously scraping the Obama sticker off the bumper of his Prius.
Does #AttackWatch come with a nifty garrote like the James Bond Attack Watch? Or do we have to keep feeding it rope until it hangs itself?
How long until Obama campaign quietly pulls down creepy #AttackWatch site? #EpicBlunder
Dear #attackwatch, my neighbor won’t give me all her money even though she makes more than me. Look into this please.
Dear #attackwatch how many people do I need to turn in to get the #attackwatch hoodie? What I really want is the Obama bobblehead!
Turn in 15 neighbors get a free waffle at IHOP!
Hey, @attackwatch, I heard a Senator say that raising the debt limit represents a “failure of leadership”
I’d like to report the US Senate for not passing a budget for 800+ days.
Dear #attackwatch: Orwell’s 1984 was a cautionary tale, not an instruction manual.
The head of Obama’s Jobs council, Jeffrey Immelt, is sending lots of jobs to China. Please stop him.
How 1930’s Germany of you, Barry.
I’m eating a high carb, high sodium meal right now.
Do I get a special badge for acting as Barry’s secret police and ratting out my neighbors? If so, make it shiny
It’s rumored 7 of the 57 States are *totally imaginary*
I might have a box or two of incandescent lightbulbs in storage…or three or four…ok, more like a cache…
a co-worker just made fun of Obama’s big ears. Should I forward you his home address for further investigation?
Target is responsible for the Arizona shooting, Jared Lee Loughner was obviously influenced by the evil red Target.
My neighbor drives a Ford, uses incandescent light bulbs and plays a Gibson Les Paul!
EMERGENCY!!!! Raid Wal-Mart now! They have salt on their shelves & the McDonalds inside the store is selling GREASY burgers!
My cat was licking her butt when Pres. Obama was on TV. Disrespectful. Thought you should know. Never really trusted her….
I saw a photoshop of the president riding a girl’s bike while wearing mom jeans. Scrub Google images stat!
Achtung! RT The red, black and white color scheme seems oddly reminiscent of something. Thinking … thinking
I’m out of toilet paper. Guess my Federal Family forgot to go shopping.
I just saw a truant, fat kid eating fries without an approved national ID using a job-killing drive-thru ATM in an SUV.
pls investigate why 47% of Americans don’t pay any income tax. Oh wait, never mind.
Goosestepping lessons will be presented by the Obama campaign staffers right after the second Re-education class tomorrow
I’d like to report myself for having a balanced budget. I know how u oppose those things.
The national debt is over 14 trillion dollars. Please investigate.
I saw an ATM, a tsunami, and President Bush huddled in a corner. I think they’re plotting against Obama. Please check.
Do you guys have an official arm band? Or should I make my own?
#attackwatch /are you union? If not, cease all activity immediately.
A new business is coming to my state & we are a right to work state. Hurry and stop them b4 they create a bunch of JOBS!
I saw hundreds of jobs running for their lives–being chased by Jimmy Hoffa, Richard Trumpka, Andy Stern and the NLRB…
#AttackWatch already has a bat-signal, but it’s solar, so it doesn’t work at night.
Politicians are not sharing their wealth with me. Could you get them to start writing some checks?
Bless me #attackwatch for I have sinned. I had negative thoughts about dear leader, I ate french fries, and I donated to Herman Cain.
My teacher said I was “right” instead of “correct.” Where do I turn her in for trying to program me?
I just saw a guy toss a cardboard box into a public recycling bin without breaking it down first
I’d like to report @USDOL for releasing accurate employment statistics that might impugn the President.
I’m grateful to live in a country where the totalitarians are so hilariously inept.
I heard of corpse men walking around military bases, this could be the beginning of a Zombie attack! Please check this out!
Yeah! How dare companies decide for themselves how many folks to hire, comrade!
Someone is spreading the rumor that you raided a guitar factory. What? You really did? Ok, never mind.
I just removed the tag on my new mattress… I’m feeling rowdy tonight…
Drudge is posting WAVE OF FORECLOSURES… BIG JUMP IN JOBLESS CLAIMS… INFLATION RISES… So can Olive Garden cut out salt faster?
The idea for AttackWatch may have seemed like a feasible way to address dissent time of its inception, but it has quickly turned into a source of online hilarity. According to Yahoo News, AttackWatch is trending on the internet, but “not in a good way”. While some voters take very seriously the administration’s Orwell-esque methods of encouraging citizens to report on each other, most people seem to be amused by it. Following on the heels of the embarrassing Gibson Guitars raid by the Justice Department and the administration’s attempt to replace the term “federal government” with “federal family” (which resulted in scores of mother-in-law type jokes and incest inferences), AttackWatch appears to be yet another administration blooper.