Numb. That’d be the best way to describe the next morning. I was numb. I had no more tears. No more anger, no more sadness. She had taken it all from me, wrung me out like a cheap sponge and cast me aside. I got dressed, skipping breakfast, and headed for the bus stop.
Mike was the first to ask me about it. “Whole school’s talking about you two. Everyone says she’s crazy and you’re right there with her.” Ken followed behind Mike, “Yeah, we told everyone to stop talking about you until the whole story got out. Spill it, I want to make fun of you.” I reached over and opened a locker without warning and laughed as Ken hit the ground, nursing his now-throbbing nose. I didn’t speak at all that day.
I walked home, trudging through the snow without looking up. I found myself outside of Claudia’s house, standing and staring at the window. The door opened, and a large man wearing sweatpants and a tank top stepped out. “You lookin’ for Claudia? She ain’t here. Left this morning, decided to go stay with her real dad down in Florida. Don’t care if she ever comes back. Now get off my lawn.” With that, he slammed the door and I walked the rest of the way home alone, wondering what could have been.
The following weeks leading up to Christmas, I alternated between depression and anger. I didn’t know what I had done to make her up and move. I heard so many rumors, I could have written a book. Everything from an abusive home to mob connections was spread around the school, and everyone forgot I was ever involved. I was empty inside. I had known Claudia for a short time, and in that time I had found someone special, someone I could’ve loved my entire life, and as suddenly as she broke into my world, she ripped the guts out of it and ran. The world around me was colorless, devoid of life and joy.
The last day of school had arrived, and the preceding months were a blur of melancholy. The final bell rang, and I gathered my things and left. I walked to the park where the city had set up a giant Christmas tree. The sun was setting and a brilliant blaze of reds and purples colored the sky behind the Christmas tree. The lights on the tree were a bright white, highlighting the snow and making the falling flakes sparkle in the air. I stood, admiring this gift from the heavens, when I heard a voice next to me. “Beautiful, isn’t it?” I looked over and saw a girl I knew from school. “It is,” I replied. “Christmas time has always made me happy.” I could see her look over at me, and then turn back towards the tree. “Christmas has always been special to me, too. This time of year, everyone seems just a little happier. They smile a little easier, they give a little quicker, they laugh a little more. It seems like at Christmas, we are the people we always hoped we would be.” I chuckled to myself. “I’ve seen Scrooged, too.” She turned a bright red and giggled. “I had hoped it would be unfamiliar to you.” she said. “No, no. You’re fine. It’s true, whoever said it first. Christmas seems like the best time of year. Seems like the time to start fresh. Maybe, I dunno,…” She broke in, “Forgive yourself?” I heard an audible gasp. She obviously hadn’t meant to say that out loud. “I’m so sorry, Elliot. I didn’t mean…”
“No, it’s ok. It’s fine. What’s your name, anyway?”
“Lena. My name is Lena.”
I hadn’t been able to save Claudia from whatever she was running from, but I had to move on. I had to forgive myself. I couldn’t ever replace Claudia in my heart, but I didn’t need to. I learned that day, thanks to a mousy brunette and a Bill Murray quote, the past can’t hold a man’s life hostage. I looked at Lena, and decided it was time to move on.
“Well, Lena, I see a hot chocolate stand over there, and I’m freezing my nosehairs off. Would you like to get some hot chocolate and sit with me a while?” I looked over at Lena. Her brown hair was speckled with snow and the tip of her nose was bright red. “I’d love to, Elliot.”
Lena and I sat on a park bench, drinking our hot chocolate until nightfall, talking about Christmas and dreaming about the future.
THE END