If you have more than one child living in your home, you no doubt are living each and every day with the turmoil and stress of sibling rivalry. In an ideal world, your kids would all love each other and play happily together, cherishing the fact that they have someone close to them who they are able to grow up with. Yet in reality, even the best of siblings fight almost daily. Sometimes it seems like the bickering, name calling, and even physical aggression is constant.
Sibling rivalry unfortunately is indeed a part of growing up, and those arguments and the regular competition between siblings is going to happen. However, the fact is that as a parent, you may actually be encouraging even more pronounced bouts of rivalry without even knowing it. Here are some things to consider:
Competition For Attention. There are many causes of sibling rivalry, but high among the leading factors is competition for parents’ attention. As a parent, you may find that by making a regular effort to spend time with each of your children one-on-one, some of that bickering may decrease. Consider setting aside even ten minutes a day to sit and talk with each child, play a board game, or do something similar.
Competition For Equal Love. In your mind, you love each of your children equally. Each child is a unique individual, however, and so if you are like many parents, you may show your love for each child in a different way. This can cause jealousy and resentment if a child feels that he or she is being loved differently. You can make an effort to determine if a child is feeling unequally loved and make adjustments.
Competition for Accolades. Each of your children likely has a special talent or skill. Some kids may be born geniuses while others may be naturally talented athletes, musicians, or something more. Sibling rivalry may stem from competition to be the best at something and earn a parent’s adoration or compliments. Make an effort to identify strengths in each of your children and to encourage them to pursue their own unique talents and interests. Let them know that each of them is uniquely wonderful.
Keep in mind that in your mind’s eye, you may be doing everything right as a parent. However, what matters with these contributing factors is often how the children view these factors. Sibling rivalry that may result in a shoving match in the bathroom over toothpaste may stem from one feeling either superior or inferior over the other in some completely unrelated way. You likely won’t be able to make sibling rivalry vanish from your home, but if you take a closer look at some of these factors, you may find that you can curb some of the emotional outbursts that take place.
Here are a few other articles written by this author:
How Positive is Your Parenting?
Helping Your Kids Through Fights with Friends
Kids and Friend Drama: When to Step In