A Winter Moon – II – a Sestina

A powdered sugar feathering of stars
like moonshine rippling on a dark night river
arc across the indigo blue sky,
a lavish, well-marked highway to heaven,
littered with the remnants of diamond tears
that arch above my awe-struck olive green eyes.

Spirit ghosts lurk in the depths of these jade eyes,
longing to ride this highway of soulful stars,
to gather these drops of shimmering tears.
Then I’d pour them into the tear-filled river
to join the crystal waterfall of heaven
that falls like healing rain from earth’s sky.

Lovers pledge forever beneath this dark sky
reflecting heaven’s stars mirrored in their eyes
seduced by the dark, soft cloak of night’s heaven
to consummate those vows beneath a wealth of stars.
They set sail on life’s virulent blue-green river.
never dreaming they ride a highway of tears.

At the birth of a child we shed joyful tears,
primed with childish daydreams on clouds in a blue sky.
Those dreams drift down life’s turbulent river
becoming epic stories right before our eyes.
Our children reach for far moons and land on distant stars
while we watch their teardrops trail across heaven.

For heartache, heartbreak, too, ride this highway heaven.
Love ends, families end while we bathe in hot tears.
Come lonely nights when we wish on falling stars,
hoping for magic when shooting stars soar the dark sky,
magic that reveals a future mirrored in our eyes.
Sometimes, too soon, one’s future rides this river.

Because sometimes loved ones go, swift river,
gone before their time, they wait for us in heaven,
and so we wisely mark their trail with solemn eyes
noting their rite of passage through our trail of tears,
knowing someday we’ll join them in a night sky,
prima ballerinas or danseur nobles on stars.

From birth our eyes are set upon this river,
its stars shine, beckon us to look towards heaven.
Balm for our tears rests in this dark vault of sky.

Science has invested centuries in trying to define what signifies life, to determine if souls really exist, and if so, where are they residing? While scientists may be closer in their search, they are still in the “learning to crawl” stage.

Anybody who’s ever been present at the birth of a loved child or present at the tragic loss of a loved one recognizes an entrance and an exit of a sentient being, some vital spark of energy that brings that mass of organs, blood, water to meaningful life, and then departs, leaving what remains an empty shell that once housed a soul with a singular and very specific identity, one shared with nobody else on the planet earth.

Many heartfelt prayers were lifted up for this 20 year old young woman, Kayte Mosher, this week, as an unexpected crisis in her life spiraled out of control. So why didn’t God answer them? Only God can answer that, and I have spent much of the last 72 hours looking for those answers as I worked through my thought processes, seeking God in my own way through creative outlets.

Sometimes, there simply are no easy answers. Sometimes life just hurts. Because my three year old son was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor 6 years ago, because I was diagnosed with colon cancer almost 3 years ago, I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on life and death.

I’ve looked for answers in every realm of education, in science, in religion, in philosophy, in medicine, and I’ve come up with some sureties:

· When we’re born, when we come into this world, we set forth on a road with only an exit sign at the end, death. · Some electric spark of energy emerging as a soul signifies the beginning of life. · Some electric spark of energy departing as a soul signifies the end of life. · Nothing in this universe ever ceases to exist. · Everything that exists now will always exist. · However, all things that exist can be transformed. · While they may appear to be something new · What they were originally still exists in that new component.

In other words, that spark of energy that emerged as a soul, a sentient being, and then departed that body, it can’t simply cease to exist. It has to re-emerge somewhere, because nothing in this universe ever ceases to exist.

Last evening I was helping Hunter with an art project. We had painted coffee filters with water paint. When they had dried, we were cutting out leaves and flowers to make a flower garden on a large piece of colored construction paper. I started to throw away the left over paper, but for some reason I opened them up instead and began looking at the remaining shapes. Like the negatives of a photograph, those pieces reflected something creative too. I found myself wondering if this is what happened in the creation of this miraculous universe. Did the ageless soul we think of as God, the creator, did he look at the clay he was ready to throw away and become the ultimate recycler?

Did he see the negative effect in what he was ready to throw away, and change his mind? Did he see it instead as a puzzle piece with a perfect fit somewhere in this miraculous creation still unfolding across heaven? There are no mistakes. It’s all a perfect fit. It’s a perpetual kaleidoscope of change, but for every positive there is its negative counterpart.

“Bold visions and sweet dreams conceived in this sky
form in thoughtful moments before discerning eyes.” Jody Bresch

That tells me there is a negative existence on the other side of this life we are living. Most of us call it heaven so I will call it heaven. The Bible, in Matthew 27:51 says: And, behold, the veil of the temple was rent in twain from the top to the bottom… This idea that something more exists on the other side of the veil is not a new one. It is as old as time itself.

Kayte isn’t gone. All the Kaytes of the world are not gone. They’ve simply walked down that heaven highway ahead of us and turned a corner. Yes, they are out of sight, but they are not gone. One of these days we’re going to follow them down that highway. We will turn that corner, and we’ll see what Kayte saw and go where Kayte went.


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