15 Current MLB Players Who Would Be Nightmarish Managers

There is always speculation about which current MLB players would be good managers after the end of their respective playing careers.

I am here to do the opposite. I’d like to think about which current players would be absolute terrors as the men in charge.

There are probably more people than those who made the list. I focused on big personalities who wouldn’t seem to do well in charge. I also avoided catchers, because most have proved to be good managers, and not many (save A.J. Pierzynski) have big attitudes.

With that, I present the 15 players who would be nightmares as managers.

Brian Wilson

It was difficult to come up with a more terrifying potential manager.

While Brian Wilson could be a “players’” manager, I’d just be afraid of him making homeless beards mandatory amongst players (sort of an opposite Yankees facial hair policy).

The guy is focused, there is not doubt, but that “focus” might be too much for other players and coaches to handle.

Grant Balfour

Grant Balfour would have many difficulties communicating with his players.

While he’s on the mound, he constantly swears at himself to keep focus.

That might not be the policy for a managerial candidate. Many a player might be offended by the many words coming from Balfour’s mouth.

Jonathan Papelbon

It is difficult to fathom a player who seems less friendly than Papelbon. From his outward appearance, he just seems mean.

I surmise his managerial career would begin with a number of player confrontations, culminating with the demotion of his closer. Of course Papelbon would fill in and wouldn’t take no for an answer.

Alfonso Soriano

I don’t know if Soriano would be a bad manager, but he wouldn’t last very long.

Throughout his career, many teams have pursued Soriano, only to be extremely disenchanted after a short while.

I could see him making a big splash, then falling off precipitously. His players might not be thrilled by a manager who always has one foot out the door.

Adam Dunn

Grip and rip is a good motto, but only as long as you make contact.

Adam Dunn is a perfect example. When he hits the ball it goes far, but that doesn’t happen often enough.

As a manger, Dunn’s example probably wouldn’t result in too many wins. The team would lead the league in home runs, but also in strikeouts. One game might result in zero playable balls for the fielders.

Vladimir Guerrero

Vlad Guerrero is fun guy, and he’s also never seen a pitch he didn’t like.

That might not be the best guy to be your manager. While Vlad has the uncanny ability to hit almost any pitch, his teaching of “patience” is a bit suspect.

One thing is for sure, his team would punish players for walking.

Manny Ramirez

Okay, he’s technically not a player anymore, but work with me.

Manny is a diva, and manager divas don’t do very well. I still don’t know how Ozzie Guillen has a job, by the way.

Manny was a great hitter-and a great user of steroids. I don’t believe a team filled with steroid-ed, diva players would do very well.

They’d be very fun to watch, just not for the baseball. Imagine every player being Manny Ramirez and Barry Bonds-now that’s a reality TV show.

Carlos Zambrano

This one seems pretty obvious.

Big Z’s got fire, but channeling that to motivate a team probably wouldn’t happen. More than likely, Zambrano would get into a few fist fights with some players, get ejected twice a week and get himself suspend for actions unbecoming of a MLB manager.

John Lackey

I believe a consistent manager is a good manager.

With John Lackey, I have no clue what to expect day to day.

One day he could be brilliant, making all the right decisions and winning games with savvy choices. The next he could be off the rails and keeping a starter in despite allowing 10 runs in the first inning.

These conclusions are drawn from Lackey’s strangely inconsistent career and its potential carryover to a managerial career.

Derek Lowe

Derek Lowe is really intense, but from some reports, he’s also kind of a mean person.

Fire is not a problem, but fire control is.

I’m sure Lowe could fire up some of his players, but he might exacerbate certain interpersonal issues with his in-your-face attitude.

Livan Hernandez

“Journeyman” is not really a term you want to hear about your manager.

Hernandez has been on so many teams he could probably make a good temp manager. If someone goes out, he could just fill in for a few weeks.

For the long term though, Livan Hernandez might not be the best option.

Hanley Ramirez

Someone who gets benched for being lazy doesn’t strike me as the managerial type.

He might a be “fun” manager, but Hanley Ramirez’s team would likely play in a similar manner. Lazy teams don’t make it too far in the season before serious problems occur.

Aubrey Huff

I think Huff could be a solid manager, but there is only one issue.

I don’t want to always be thinking about his underwear.

Huff’s “rally thong” propelled the Giants to the World Series last year. As a player under Huff, I’d always be distracted-and rather weird-ed-out by what he might be wearing underneath his uniform.

Nyjer Morgan

This answer is two-fold.

Nyjer Morgan might be a good manager. Tony Plush would not.

The two personalities of Morgan wouldn’t be a good combo. Players wouldn’t know who to expect day to day, and while it might be fun to “live on the edge,” a borderline schizophrenic manager isn’t the best plan for any team.

Milton Bradley

Bradley still has a career…sort of.

That is mostly due to various managers’ abilities to hold him back from attacking umpires.

As a manager, there wouldn’t be any one to stop Bradley. His fire might be appreciated, but he’d probably get himself in trouble his first day on the job.


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