Dealing with a deployment is essentially inevitable if you are headed down the road to becoming a military spouse. Deployment to high threat postings are the most difficult to bear for those left behind. It is important to mention though, that there are many positions within the government that may bring a parent or spouse overseas, outside of a combat zone. Yes, it is more daunting when the loved one is in constant danger and difficult to maintain status quo at home when your nervous are constantly on edge.
It can be said that the single greatest element of a deployment is time. The quality time a family spends together before the deployment is something that many non-deploying families never truly experience. The old saying “You never know what you have until it is gone” rings true for military families. This is why we cherish those precious few weeks before a deployment, before the house gets turned upside-down, before there is a half day time difference, before there are weeks between contact.
Time apart is the true test of any relationship. In this day and age where most people would rather send a text or email that make a call or visit in person, communication skills suffer. But for the deployment family communication skills are put to the test. Whether it is snail mail, email, or a 60 second phone call, you become an expert at getting your point across most effectively. Instead of a quick text while you are multitasking eight other things, you take the time to put your innermost thoughts and feelings to paper to help you and your loved one abroad feel like you are together. While not ideal, this communication forms the backbone of strong relationships. Its the make it or break it, you can either cut it or you can’t. The military sees many divorces because if you can’t handle it, then you just can’t handle it. Many couples do survive deployments and long-distance relationships. There is no way to truly tell until you try it.
Top Tips on Surviving a Deployment:
Talk. Talk before the loved one leaves, talk while they are gone, talk about how it felt once they came home. Prepare yourselves. Do your homework beforehand. Get legal, financial and personal documents in order. If you don’t have a Power of Attorney, get one. And make sure you get it notarized. Prepare your kids. Don’t lie to them. You don’t have to go into graphic detail but make sure they know where their parent is going, that contact may be limited and most of all that near or far they are loved and thought of. Write write write. I cannot say this enough. Write to your spouse, write to family members to keep them updated on how you are all doing, write in a journal just for yourself. Keeping a personal journal will help you get through the long days and if it makes you feel silly just write in it daily and once you’re at the end, burn it. Yes, burn it. You don’t need to relive your worries and fears, you just need an outlet for them. Love. Love your spouse enough to let them do their job, love your kids enough to show them they can count on you and love yourself enough to take care of your own needs in addition to everyone else’s. Every once in a while you need to put YOU first.
When the time apart comes to an end there is that glorious event known as Homecoming. Homecoming in itself is made for the movies. It is a show of real American pride. There is no discussion of politics or political parties, just pure joy for those service members returning home. The period of time after deployment is filled with joy and laughter for most, often a blur of events celebrating until it is time to return to work; time to prepare for the next deployment.
A deployment is time; time spent away, time spent apart. But the amazing thing is that time passes. Some days it passes so slowly and others so swiftly. Each minute, each day is one step closer to the loved one arriving home.