Ramblings from the Byrd Nest for October 26, 2011

Okay, I know what you’re thinking — where have you been? I’m still out here shouting at lousy drivers, insensitive cell phone users and smart-mouth cashiers. See, I’m still me after all. But since so many of you have been missing me (all two of you), back by popular demand I present another episode of my rambling brain.

Will someone please explain to me why there must be a safety seal on a bottle of Tide? I mean, aren’t cleaning products what we’re trying to keep out of the things that go in our mouths? I don’t know one soul who is in danger of ingesting a huge gulp of Tide detergent. And if you are thinking about it, you’ve got more problems that getting through that piece of plastic.

Growing up in the wild jungles of Africa, Tarzan met Jane so the movies tell us. If Jane taught Tarzan English, how did he know his name was Tarzan? Why didn’t he think his name was Hmmp, or some other grunt word in gorilla lingo? And when they acquired their son, why did he call him Boy? Why not Cheetah after his close relative?

Why do we keep electing lawyers to take care of the business matters of this country? What makes us think lawyers know anything about budgeting money or making financial decisions? Ask any legal secretary, and she will tell you the lawyers should never be allowed to buy the office equipment, much less run the country.

And speaking of legislators, I think we should build a large apartment complex next to the capitol in Washington, D.C. for the legislators to live. I’m willing to let them live there rent-free. Maybe then they would be able to be at work every day. Apparently, a large number of them have trouble with their commute. Think of the money this country could save right there by not having to provide them with those expensive cars.

Another thing that fascinates me is why someone pays a politician to give a speech at a function. Why pay someone a large sum of money for something that he’s been giving away for free to anyone who will listen. Do you really think the guy’s going to say anything new at your chicken dinner than he hasn’t already said in a parking lot a million times before? If you do, please contact me because I’ve got some farmland I’d like you to buy underneath the Mississippi River.

I’ve noticed a lot of businesses have two doors at the entrance. Nothing odd about that, right? The only thing is there’s usually a sign on one door that says “Please Use Other Door.” Why bother having two doors if one will do?

Ah, the mysteries of life, where would I be without them? May the wind be at your back, as the old saying goes. Hopefully, it’s just not a tornado.


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