Raising a Gay Son

Raising a gay son was a challenge. Though it is not a lifestyle I would have chosen for my child, I was accepting and ready to stand by him. My son, on the other hand, had some serious struggles with accepting his sexuality. It wasn’t a choice for him, it just was. Being gay was as much a part of who he was as the color of his eyes. He didn’t make a choice, he learned to accept.

He was always feminine and most people around us “blamed” it on him being raised by a single mom. They thought he was mimicking me when in fact, it was just him being himself. He liked dolls and playing dress up with my clothes and shoes. He will be thrilled to know I am making it known that he liked wearing my panty hose on his head and calling them his hair.

My son realized he was attracted to boys when he was around 10. He didn’t admit it to me openly for another couple of years and I believe he was still trying to fight it. When he could no longer deny his true feelings to himself, he decided he must be bi-sexual. In his early teens he dated both boys and girls but there was still a pattern. The girls he dated were more masculine than him! I knew he had a tough road ahead and wished so much that he wasn’t gay, but it was relief for both of us when he finally came to terms with his own sexuality and accepted the fact that he is gay.

My father had a hard time accepting the fact that his only grandson was gay. He just refused to listen and open his eyes to what was going on around him. I traveled for work often and on one trip my father came to our house to stay with my son for the week. Though I had told my Dad not to allow sleepovers, he allowed my son to have a friend spend the night. Because my Dad was in denial, my son was allowed to have a boyfriend stay over – not a boy friend! Livid would not begin to explain my reaction when I found out!

Being in denial of one’s sexuality causes more problems and pain than just accepting. You can’t deal with something if you refuse to face it. And you can’t be happy and grow if you are still hiding from the truth. After many years of problems and pain, my son is finally at peace with who he is. He is a wonderful person that I am proud to call my son.

The views our society has on being gay and accepting those that are gay has changed greatly in the two decades since I went through this with my son. You can read what parenting.com has to say in “Could Your Child Be Gay?”. There are support groups to help parents learn to cope as well. Check out gayfamilysupport.com and an article they have published called “Parents Of Gay Children You’re Not Alone”.


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