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Question
As I was leaving Wal-Mart, I saw a woman get into a car with a little boy of perhaps 4 or 6 in the front seat. He did not have a car seat. I didn’t say anything. Are people uneducated, or do they just not care?
Answer
Sadly, it’s a little of both. All 50 states have laws requiring car seats for infants, and by now, just about everyone knows that. However, just as millions of drivers routinely ignore the speed limits, many flout car-seat laws. Some don’t realize the dangers children face while riding in cars without restraints or sitting in the front seat. And some, as you suspect, don’t care, or at least they don’t care enough to change their behavior.
Question
I’m a senior in high school, and I dated this girl for a few months beginning in March. Her parents are extremely strict, though more about education than about boys. They moved to the U.S. for the education, and they expect their daughter to stay home and study instead of going out with friends. They didn’t mind our relationship, but I had few chances to hang out with her or take her out. They don’t trust her, and it was difficult to maintain a relationship. We broke up over the summer, in large part because we could never see each other. Now that school has started we want to try again. I’ve talked to her parents and eaten dinner with them, so they know me. Would writing a letter to them asking them to allow me to date their daughter again with some consistency, as well as an element of trust and freedom, be a good idea? Would her parents see this as respectful, or as a challenge to their authority?
Answer
I don’t know if a letter would help. But I believe you’re on the right track.
In some cultures, parents are very protective of their children, far more so than is common in America. And within cultures of all varieties, individual parents vary in their level of strictness. Some people may advise you two to sneak around, but you are wise to dismiss that option. If you lead the girl to disobey her parents, they might clamp down even more, and you’ll never see her.
Instead of a letter, try a face-to-face meeting. Schedule an appointment to see the parents when the girl is not around. Tell them that you would like to continue seeing their daughter, and ask them for suggestions about how the two of you can spend time together without causing the girl to violate her house rules.
If they give you an opening, take it. If instead you must take initiative with suggestions, ask to be included in their family activities. Break the ice by inviting them all to lunch or to a zoo or to a concert at school. Show the parents that you respect them and their authority in this matter. Because until the girl turns 18, they do have authority, both legal and moral.
You said the parents don’t trust the girl. Perhaps they have reasons for that lack of trust that you do not know. Perhaps they trust her but they don’t trust you. Perhaps they simply do not believe a 15-year-old girl needs much freedom. Perhaps they believe that a 17-year-old boy is too old for their 15-year-old daughter. Regardless, you better your chances of forming a long-lasting relationship with the girl by demonstrating to the parents that you, as an individual, deserve their trust.
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