I Don’t like These Eagles

by on March 6th, 2011
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I am a life-long fan of the Philadelphia Eagles and a season ticket holder for over 20 years now, but I just don’t like this team.

While I will always root for my hometown team, I just don’t like this team on a personal level. I know that seems strange, but stay with me here.

The reason I’m even writing this is that wide receiver Jason Avant ripped the Eagles fans and called them bandwagon jumpers. He went on to say that he didn’t even want their support. The irony is that Avant wouldn’t be a millionaire professional athlete if it weren’t for the fans, so maybe someone should tell him about not biting the hand that feeds you.

Apparently Avant is mad that the fans are happy that the Eagles stopped blowing fourth quarter leads and actually won two games in a row to improve their record to 3-4. He doesn’t like that fact that the fans weren’t thrilled with the team’s 1-4 start to the season as if that was just fine.

“We realize it’s going to be just these guys in the locker room, that’s the way we take it,” he said. “We don’t want people jumping on our bandwagon now. We want people to go out and still talk bad about us.” Well Jason, you got your man right here. I will trash you and your team when you deserve it, like now.

I never had anything against Avant until now. He is a decent receiver, but apparently he is clueless as to how the whole personal responsibility thing works. Hey Jason, maybe the fans wouldn’t Boo if you didn’t fumble one ball and then get stripped while making a catch that turned into an interception and cost your team a victory against the Buffalo Bills.

The thing is, Avant is far from the only member of the Eagles organization that I don’t like.

Starting at the very top, I had a bad feeling about owner Jeffrey Lurie from the fist moment he bought the team. One of the first things he talked about when he bought the team was getting rid of the cheerleaders, because he and his wife were feminists. Are those whipping sounds I hear, Jeff? Nevermind.

Anyway, not only did the Eagles keep the cheerleaders, but they made the uniforms among the skimpiest in the NFL. Not that I’m complaining. Hell, if you haven’t seen an Eagles cheerleader calendar before, you would swear you were looking at pornography. Again, no complaints here. And that was just the first act of complete and total hypocrisy from the owner.

There was “hoagie-gate”, where they tried to prevent people from bringing any food into the stadium by saying it was for national security, so they could make more money off of the concessions. There was the constant trashing of Veterans Stadium because they wanted a new, taxpayer-funded stadium. There were the Personal Seat Licenses that cost long-time fans, like me, great seats in the lower level that had been in my family since the days of Franklin Field because I refused to pay $10,000 for the right to purchase tickets in the new stadium that I paid for with my tax dollars.

The team fired an employee with cancer because she posted her thoughts on the subject in cyberspace. They fired a handicapped employee because he dared to criticize the team when they disrespected Brian Dawkins and allowed him to sign with the Denver Broncos. There was talk of “Championships”, before there was ever a first championship. And there was the whole “Gold Standard” business. Jeff Lurie makes it easy to dislike him.

Another member of the Eagles front office that is easy to dislike is president Joe Banner. Banner is the team capologist, which basically means that he runs the team, since he controls the money. He also has a healthy disdain for the fans.

Banner is a horrible representative for anything, yet he is always front and center representing the Eagles organization in interviews. Everything he says is a lie and you just can’t shake the feeling that he is a complete weasel. He reinforces that notion with his arrogant attitude. He once did a radio interview where he took questions from the team’s fans. When one fan dared to criticize the team, Banner told him that if he didn’t like what the team was doing he should stop going to the games. I guess that’s where Avant got his attitude, huh?

I have been banging the drum to get Andy Reid fired since the team lost the Super Bowl. He is a horrible game day coach, who is incapable of making adjustments, can’t manage the game clock and doesn’t seem to understand the rules when challenging plays. Reid backs up all of that gross incompetence with a surly attitude and an outright contempt for the media who dare to question him. The fact that part of his job in the NFL is to answer questions in news conferences, seems to have escaped Reid.

There is also the matter of his record. Yes, he has the most wins of any Eagles coach in history, but those hollow victories mean nothing without a single Lombardi Trophy. Reid is in his 13th year with the Eagles and he’s going backwards. It has become obvious that he won all those years on the back of Jim Johnson’s great defenses. The proof of that is that Reid hasn’t won a single playoff game since Johnson died.

The quarterback is a convicted felon who committed unspeakable acts of evil. I know some fans can look past that little fact, but as a father I can’t justify rooting for Michael Vick. The look on my kids’ faces when I told that Vick killed dogs will forever be burned into my brain. And Vick isn’t sorry for what he did. He’s just sorry he got caught. His quotes when he got out of prison proved that. besides, nobody with an ounce of decency could have done what he did in the first place.

Sure, he’s kept his nose clean since he was paroled, you know if you ignore that whole business where his posse shot one of his co-defendants outside his 30th birthday party, but that was only to get his next big payday. Unfortunately for me, the Eagles gave him that big payday.

As much as I don’t like Vick as a human being, I like him even less as a quarterback. He just isn’t good enough to win a Super Bowl. He still can’t read defenses well enough when pressured and he turns the ball over constantly. His scrambling ability makes him dangerous, but he will never be a good enough passer to win a championship. His career stats prove that.

DeSean Jackson is a bit of an arrogant jerk. Yes, I understand that almost all wide receivers are divas, but usually they accomplish more than Jackson has before they expect to be paid like a star. Jackson has big-play ability, but he isn’t consistent enough to deserve the huge contract he wants. I give him credit for playing hard through the last year of his contract, but isn’t it sad that I don’t expect athletes to do that?

Speaking of receivers, Jeremy Maclin might be having a great year, but early in his career he twice shied away from contact on passes. It was reminiscent of the famous Todd Pinkston “alligator arm” receiving style.

Offensive linemen Evan Mathis and Jason Kelce threatened fans outside the team’s practice facility because they were holding up a sign that was critical of head coach Andy Reid. They denied threatening the fans, but admitted to telling them to take it down or they would take it down for them. Gee, that sounds like a threat to me. Did I mention that Mathis is a journeyman and Kelce is a rookie?

Cornerback Asante Samuel might be good at intercepting passes, but the next time he lays a big hit on anybody will be the first time. He also gives ten yard cushions on almost every play looking for the pick to pad his stats, even if it’s 3rd and 3 and the other team throws a screen pass in front of him to convert the first down. There is a reason Bill Belichick let him leave the Patriots. Samuel is a selfish punk. I did enjoy his shot at the Eagles front office last week though.

I can’t say I dislike the Eagles linebackers and safeties on a personal level. It’s more like a personnel level, because they all stink. Subtle difference there.

There is also the fact that the team always gets rid of great players and trashes them on the way out the door. Guys like Dawkins, Jeremiah Trotter, Sheldon Brown, Brian Westbrook and others deserved better than to be disparaged by the lapdogs in the local media who get the Eagles agenda out there all the time. There is no need for that, yet they do it all the time.

I used to love the Eagles players. I grew up cheering for Dick Vermeil’s team with Ron Jaworski, Bill Bergey and Wilbert Montgomery. I saw one of the greatest defenses ever, led by Reggie White, Clyde Simmons, Mike Golic, Jerome Brown, Seth Joyner, Andre Water and Wes Hopkins. I loved every time Buddy Ryan stepped up to a mic and loved it even more when his defenses punished opposing teams. I cheered for “Bounties” and “Body Bags”. And I especially loved how he rekindled the rivalry with the hated Cowboys and kicked their asses every year. I loved chanting “Duuuuuuuuuuuuuce” every time Duce Staley did something on the field. I jumped out of my seat when Sheldon Brown literally knocked the spit out of Reggie Brown in a playoff game. I even enjoyed watching Donovan McNabb in the early years, before he literally choked on the field in the Super Bowl and became a complete jerk. I watched in awe as Brian Westbrook set records and Brian Dawkins
destroyed every player in sight.

Now, I’ve got this team filled with a bunch of players with either no personality or the personality of a complete jerk. I miss my old Eagles teams and it’s all Lurie, Banner and Reid’s fault.

To summarize, this Eagles team is about as cuddly as a cactus. They’re as charming as an eel. They’re a bad banana with a greasy black peel. They have all the sweetness of a seasick crocodile. I mean, I wouldn’t touch this Eagles organization with a 39 and a half foot pole.

And finally, the three words that best describe the Philadelphia Eagles are as follows; stink, stank, stunk.

That’s why I don’t like these Philadelphia Eagles.

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