Life happens. Logically and intellectually we all get that; yet, we still find ourselves, often after the fact, at times, over stressed, resentful of our situations, or overreacting to events or people and then feeling guilty, disgusted and then even repeating some of the similarities in our lives again – only to find ourselves feeling frustrated. Sound familiar?
It’s not uncommon and no one is alone, even when it feels that way. Strong emotions can feel challenging when in the midst of them and the mind can be pretty convincing at mixing up old memories into your present situations to make you believe you’re justified in feeling those strong emotions, so it will keep coming up. The reality is, no one really wants to feel that way; it doesn’t feel good and it doesn’t really achieve the ideal goals anyone ever really wants as an end result -which is to feel good, and have a positive response from the event or people involved. No one has ever reaped a positive response from a negative demand. So that brings us back to why we are here today. What experience has taught us and how to make a change that makes a desirable difference.
Through the years I have implemented various practices from meditation, to different forms of yoga and ofcourse diet, proper supplements, exercise and lifestyle changes which are still very beneficial. Yet one of the primary components is still addressing mindset and attitude.
So I have chosen in the past twenty-three plus years to be intentional about noticing what thoughts would arise in my mind and how I was responding to them, thus acting upon them and/or towards others. In doing so, I recognized how I could change my mind; the thought and my attitude and have a better effect in my events, even if the event couldn’t be changed or I couldn’t leave it – at least I dealt with better clarity and was a better support to others.
Whereas, had I chose not to do so, and allowed myself to just react as I had prior, allowing my mind to convince me a situation was wrong; out of control, or I was incapable of handling it, etc and then my emotions followed with anger, doubt, fear or resentment – then in the past my behavior was less favorable, less helpful to others and I didn’t act with clarity or true understanding of events, circumstances or even what may have been the true underlying need of those around me.
In choosing to notice my own thoughts, attitudes and how I was responding to others, this also has allowed me to better understand how and why I feel the way I do – in order to express myself with better clarity to others, as well as be able to realize when thoughts arose in mind that weren’t really true or applicable to my circumstances that may have otherwise caused me internal undue stress, worry or anxiety. In this way, I have been able to maintain a better sense of calm, peace and resilience when I may have not been otherwise able, had I not the clarity of mind to do so. It is with this intentional effort, that I have understanding as well, for others and have more tolerance, patience and the ability and willingness to actively listen; however, it does not equate permission to override good judgment, but allows me even greater insight. This is a process which hasn’t been overnight or at every instance, which has required me to also be forgiving and merciful towards my own intentions, inclusive of being persistent, which has reaped a reward of inner strength, clarity, courage and endurance, as well a peace that passes all understanding when needed most.
It is also in wisdom, to attain proper support in those around whom are positive and uplifting, which encourage this process and/or proactive decision making/behavior and aspects of better choices that doesn’t sabotage the intention of being the best one can be (not by others standards, but what is right for each individual and their circumstances).
In the continual growth of this awareness, it has also been about noticing that this is a means of using the intelligence that comes from heart centered processing which allows depth, growth, insight, courage, compassion and wisdom to transpire on all levels of awareness. Whereas, when there is that feeling of anger or resentment response and the mind is attempting to justify it (even if it uses the words to convince self of its self-righteousness, such as, “this is wisdom to act this way” or “it would be less intelligent to not act this way,” etc); these are tricks of the ego-mind in its limited fashion to play on words because it just wants something. It just wants what it wants and will do and say anything to get it, including self destruct; destroying its own health, relationships, lifestyle, etc and justify its need to do so; in other words, deceive itself – to you/me and even others, when it is allowed to do so.
With this realization and choosing, in the process to also seek out tools to support my goals of self awareness and betterment, I recognized the necessity in questioning the thoughts that would come across my own mind. It is that simple.
Profound and true; just asking if a thought were true or not and also asking myself what I really wanted to achieve from a situation or idea, as well.
Here is an obvious example: when a person says, “don’t think about pink elephants.” What do you do? You automatically think of them anyway.
However, not so obvious, as the mind is just a storage computer on replay and you are suppose to be in charge to tell it what to do and not the other way around; yet we have gotten into a habit of not noticing that we have it on auto replay and we assume we are to do what that information is “telling us to do” which is incorrect; such as the mind repeating the past events over and over. For some, it could be a negative experience and so having this on replay, “you” currently believe it is about the present tense and the reality is that it has nothing to do with what is transpiring now or your present tense reality, now. The past is done and over, but your “computer” mind is on replay because you haven’t shut it off or input new and correct information, by pausing to “notice” and “questioning it.”
The other blessing that I have been graced with in my journey, which I would like to share here, is in this process having recognized that another way of questioning the self, along with noticing what I am seeking, has helped me in how to better open myself to others to be more giving in a way that I felt more fulfilled.
Let me explain this way: Consider that you really want something from another person. Perhaps you have an expectation. So ask yourself what am I expecting to get? What do I think I don’t have? Think of it on an emotional level of fulfillment -even if it may be an event or thing at the moment.
Sometimes, even imaging a spiritual leader you greatly respect, speaking to you with care, compassion in guidance in that moment, will help guide your internal response.
The amazing thing about this is all of the Teachers and Masters through the generations have all taught in one way or another reach out in our own time of need. There is an underlying, positive reason for this. In following through, one realizes by experience, the blessing and answer to its wisdom.
Let’s say, that in the midst of feeling angry and hurt, I felt I wanted someone else to listen and notice me. But instead of acting according the charge of my ego-minds direction and demands of what it wanted, instead, I chose to follow the guidance of my heart intelligence and walking through that feeling of hurt and anger – I gave to the other person what I wanted and chose to listen and notice them. As a result I felt closer to that person that whom I had wanted to be closer to anyway, and I was more true to myself as well.
Here in lies the true blessing, as it is an act of true compassion and mercy, as well as acting conscientiously by choosing to give from the heart openly verses trying take as the egocentric mind is inclined to tell us we have to do to be fulfilled.
We have the capacity to be fulfilled and fulfill each other, without having to be hurtful or just “take what we want” to be heard or loved. We can just “be” loving, courageous enough to be compassionate and merciful; it’s a choice because free will is a birthright.
True nobility isn’t choosing to be better than anyone else; it’s just choosing to be better than you were before. (1)
(1) Dr. Wayne Dyer – off set version of his prior quote in motivational talks
– Professional Accumulation through Experiences and Education – MA in Counseling
– Professional Accumulation through Experiences and Education -PhD in Religious Counseling
– Professional Accumulation through Experiences and Education -Case Management/Trainer in Human Services
– Professional Accumulation through Experiences and Education -Support Counselor, Health/Wellness Consultant, CMT, PT Aid
– Professional Accumulation through Experience and Education -Business Owner, President, Practitioner, NHC, Support Counselor, Transformational Coach