Not every absent parent is absent because they suck as a parent. Some of them actually let the other parent have custody because they know it’s the right thing to do. Whatever the reason for being absent, the absent parent in the 21st century has unprecedented access to his or her children. Technology has left noncustodial parents with no excuse for not giving their kids enough attention. Why do so many of them make the following fatal mistakes when they could be making progress?
Forward a personal text. If you want to make your child feel like they aren’t worth their time, just forward them a personal text from week to week. Seriously guys and gals, if your kid has a cell phone, there’s a really good chance they’re better at operating it than you are. Never doubt that they know what “fwd” means when they get a personal message from you. Somehow “I miss you” just doesn’t carry the same weight when it’s preceded by an indication that the message has been forwarded.
Send the custodial parent a hate text. Parents, use some common sense. Sometimes single parents don’t get kids their own cell phones. But, sometimes the parent lets their child use his or her phone. If your child happens to be on the phone when you decide to send a hate text, you’re just not winning any points. Not only that, but some cell phones display new messages as soon as they come. If your ex happens to have his or her phone on the counter when your child walks by and you happened to choose that moment to send a hate text, your child is going to see it.
Blame your child for a lack of communication. It’s not your child’s job to stroke your ego by being the one to call you all the time. Take a moment now and then to pick up the phone and call your child. Your visitation might be limited to weekends but you don’t need to forget you’re the parent until then.
Spend more time on your phone then with your child. When your child comes to see you for visitation, take a break from the phone. Don’t make your child text you from the same room in order to get your attention. Please don’t use the excuse that you have a life and friends either. If your friends cared about you at all they would let you enjoy the whole 96 hours a month that most absent parents get with their kids.
Show your child selective texts from arguments. Personally, I’m of the opinion that kids don’t need to read texting arguments at all; any more than they need to sit there and listen to parents arguing. If you just can’t help yourself from showing your child the texts (and you really need to get some therapy if this is the case), make sure to show them in context. For example, if you’re having one of those childish name calling kind of arguments and you’re calling your ex all sorts of names, don’t run and show your kid the fun when your ex finally tells you where to get off.
Know that your voice carries. More than once my son has heard some of the angry words that I tried to keep him away from the day I decided to be a single mom. Know when you’re screaming into the phone that your child can walk into the room at any time and hear you.
Source: Personal experience
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