The ugly face of cancer has reared its head again. This time, it’s my dear, sweet Daddy. Six months after I received my second cancer diagnosis, my dad was diagnosed with bladder cancer and chronic lymphocytic leukemia (CLL). For a family who had no history of cancer before my first diagnosis, this was shocking news.
My dad has battled Parkinson’s Disease for close to 20 years, so he is no stranger to adversity. However, it looks like this cancer will be his last battle. Surgery was performed in June to remove bladder tumors, but unfortunately the cancer returned less than 90 days later. This summer has been spent with multiple hospital stays, doctor appointments, and numerous tests. Finally, Daddy said “enough,” and we are starting hospice care. He will be able to be at home and not worry about all the uncomfortable procedures he has had to endure.
It is shocking to me to see how much my father has declined in the past few months. It is absolutely heart wrenching to watch this man who loves me, more than anyone will ever love me, slowly slip away. I recognize the fear and discouragement in his eyes because I have seen those same emotions in my own eyes. I have been blessed with many wonderful traits from my dad including his love for chocolate and his big heart. One thing I never wanted us to share was this terrible disease of cancer.
No one deserves to face this disease, my father included. Due to the Parkinson’s, my dad had to retire earlier than planned. He closed our family department store that his own father had started 79 years ago. He never had the chance to enjoy his retirement with exotic travel or fun activities. The Parkinson’s limited his day-to-day activities with some days being better than others. Ultimately, it took away his ability to walk, and Daddy has been in a wheelchair for the past several years.
The bladder cancer and CLL have taken away anything the Parkinsons’s hadn’t gotten to yet. He can no longer even get out of bed. His mind is still sharp, which I think makes things even worse. He is very aware of what is happening to him but can’t do anything to slow the progress.
I could easily ask “Why me?” in regard to both my dad and me. However, I guess the better question would be “Why not me?” What makes us so much better than anyone else that we deserve to go through life without a cancer diagnosis? I can’t answer that except to say that I wish no family ever had to go through such an illness. The fear and devastation brought on by surgery, tests, waiting, and more can wreak havoc on anyone. It’s simply not fair that some of us have this burden to carry.
I am thankful that my 14-year-old son has had some years to get to know his grandfather. While he wasn’t able to be as active as he wanted, my father loved being around my son. I pray that some characteristics of this wonderful man have worn off on my son and that he will carry the best parts of my dad throughout his journey into adulthood.
Cancer has taken a lot from my family, and it will ultimately take my father from us too. I learned long ago to appreciate every day I am given with the people I love. That doesn’t make this journey any easier. I don’t want to lose my dad, and I certainly don’t want to lose him to this dreaded disease. Why can’t cancer leave my family alone?