Ask the Dad Parenting Advice: On Pets, Twins with Different Birthdays, and Not Having Kids

Stop here three days a week for a new question and answer, practical help for busy parents.

Question

Would you let your child keep an animal he brought home, provided it is in good health and you can provide a loving family for it?

Answer

The answer is yes, with some conditions.

First, you as the parent must want the pet as well. All too often, children who obtain pets (whether from the shelter, the pet store, or the backyard) lose interest and delegate upward, leaving the parents to either care for the pet or take it to the pound. If you welcome the animal as a pet, then you meet the first condition.

Second, ensure that the animal belongs to no one else. If your kids found a cat or dog or other domesticated animal, do what you can to find the original owner, probably worried about the pet’s fate.

Third, determine whether you have found an animal that does well in captivity. If your kids captured an injured rabbit, you can probably keep the animal happy. If instead they brought home a baby raccoon, you may regret keeping it in a cage. Talk to a veterinarian. You may also want to consult your local cooperative extension service. To find a cooperative extension system office, visit this page at the U.S. Department of Agriculture Web site. These experts can provide you with advice on how to care for the animal, or what to do if the animal will not make a suitable pet.

Fourth, and last, take the animal for a checkup. The new pet may need shots or medication. Your child’s could indeed be healthy, in many species, only the sick are slow enough to fall into human hands. Listen to the doctor and don’t take any chances.

If you can satisfy all these conditions, go ahead and bring the animal into your home.

Question

Are babies still twins if one was born the next day? Say they were both in the womb at the same time but one was born at 11 p.m., then the next at 1 a.m. Are they still twins?

Answer

My Webster’s dictionary defines twins as children born together at the same birth. Not the same time, but the same birth. Twins generally come out within a few minutes of each other. But any number of issues – a breech facing that requires the second twin to be turned, a complication that requires a Caesarian section for the second baby, etc. – can cause a longer interval.

Many twins would welcome separate birthdays, and the scenario you present would make such distinctions easy. But regardless of the dates on their birth certificates, they are still twins.

Question

Am I selfish for not wanting kids? I have no patience with children, and both I and my husband are bipolar. My in-laws have been pushing my husband and I to have kids, but I don’t believe I’d have the patience to raise them well, and I’m afraid my illness will be passed on to them. My husband is calling me selfish. Am I taking the wrong view?

Answer

Legions of children raised by reluctant or just plain bad parents could attest that you are not being selfish. In fact, I could make a compelling argument that if you believe you would make a bad parent, it would be selfish to have the children in the first place.

Ignore your in-laws on this matter. The decision to have children is entirely yours and your husband’s. Instead, focus on his concerns. Talk to him and let him know quite clearly how you feel. Then listen to his opinions on the matter, because the two of you need to find some common ground here. I can’t make your decision for you, but I can attest that your concerns are legitimate and understandable, and not at all selfish.

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