Stop here every day for a new question and answer, practical help for busy parents.
Question
Why do so many people teach their children not to swear? I don’t understand it. The words are just sounds.
Answer
Screeching is a sound. Yelling is a sound. Breath blown inexpertly through a tuba is a sound. Most of us would prefer not to hear such sounds all the time. And profanity grates on the ears of many parents, just as excess noise does.
Believe it or not, plenty of adults still consider the use of profanity a bad habit. After all, expletives are not communication, but a substitute for communication. Those who know how to use the language can express themselves effectively using words suitable for any audience. In my house, and in the homes of my family and friends, and in just about all of the places where I go, profanity is unwelcome.
Depending on the environment, people who use profanity risk being labeled as vulgar, uneducated, impatient, easily angered, or rude. Admittedly, in many locations, profane words are quite common. If you hang out at clubs or work at construction sites or drive trucks, you will probably hear lots of profanity, and will probably not encounter much censure if you use such words yourself. But at many (probably most) workplaces, management considers the use of profanity unprofessional.
It is not and never has been cool to swear. It has only become more common. If a million people began suddenly to pick their noses in public, would the habit suddenly become acceptable? Or would observers simply note that courtesy is in shorter supply?
Question
Is this considered neglect? I was cleaning a house for a woman with a 60-pound girl just 23 months old. She still wears diapers and drinks formula and doesn’t go out to exercise. Is this mother doing things wrong, or am I overreacting? Should I call social services?
Answer
Neglect is a big word. You are not overreacting, but at the same time you probably should not call in the authorities. Many 2-year-olds wear diapers, though the girl’s weight and lack of physical activity suggest health problems are in the future. However, while your employer may be guilty of bad parenting, she has probably not violated any laws.
Are you comfortable making suggestions regarding child care? If so, then do so with tact. In your letter you said the woman once allowed you to take the girl outside, and I suggest you do that again if possible. Still, the problem is not yours to fix. As a house cleaner, you have no real authority over this girl, and the mother can simply ignore anything you say if she chooses. Tread carefully here.
I’ll close with a caveat: While the girl’s weight and lack of activity are worrisome, any number of medical conditions could contribute to such a condition. By all means, pay attention to the girl and see if you can help her. But avoid jumping to conclusions until you have more facts.
Question
If a parent has to insist on and demand manners and respect, does that mean that (1) the parent is modeling bad manners and disrespect and (2) the child isn’t really learning how to be polite and respectful?
Answer
How about option 3, the child doesn’t want to behave respectfully or use good manners, although he knows very well how to do so? There are other options, but I believe the point has been made.
Yes, parents should teach manners and respectful behavior by example. And shame on those who don’t. But unless every adult in a child’s life acts in a rude and disrespectful fashion, the child cannot entirely blame his environment for his own similar behavior.
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