Fear about a Zombie Apocalypse is so rampant that there’s a zombie escape cellphone app. The CDC created emergency preparedness alerts. If zombies did attack, Halloween would be their logical launch date. How about adopting a zombie baby to arm yourself?
What is the Zombie Apocalypse? It’s an event of epic, worldwide destruction that figures heavily in zombie fiction and film. The Center for Disease Control included zombie invasion on their list of natural (unnatural?) disaster preparation tips. The concept of undead preparedness intrigued people and ignited the internet world.
Zombie defense kits with sabers and automatic weapons, are available. I wouldn’t waste money on these. If they are already dead, you can’t kill them. That and the weapons are fake. The mobile phone app might have more potential. At least it provides exercise. Run, Zombies! is an interactive game that pits survivors against the wiles of the zombie horde. Unlike the Droid app SpecTrek, where ghost hunters nab spooks and bag them, Run, Zombies! is an escape game. Whether you buy into ghost and zombie lore, you’ll get a good workout pretending to outrun them.
The most daunting, but arguably the most practical way to stay safe from zombie attack, is to adopt one of them. The theory is “if you can’t beat them, join them.” Spirit Halloween offers an array of Zombie Babies (dolls) available for adoption.
Let the intrepid zombie caregiver beware: these zombie children are every bit as gruesome as their adult counterparts. They have razor-sharp teeth, deathly pallor, scars and dripping blood. Some hold props: Brain Eata holds a fake brain. Zombie babies are even more horrific because they look and are dressed like children.
One little horror “Doll Face Zombie” rides in a parent front pack carrier, From behind, she looks deceptively like a little girl with golden blonde curls. When the “parent” activates the animation, she spins her head like Regan (“The Exorcist”) to reveal snarling fangs and glowing eyes. Her maniacal laugh is hair-raising.
Zombie Babies come lifelike sizes too. The child dolls are three feet tall. Zombie children available for adoption include: Evil Ernie, Angry Alice, Teether and Chewie . Snack Time baby eats his own foot.Cathrine Reredrum (an anagram for “murderer”) comes with a rat in her mouth. Edward Muncherton feasts on a severed hand. Terrible Twins has two heads. Timmy Tumbles does creepy tricks and Giggles is an evil clown baby.
Accessories, like bloody parts are available for your baby, too. You even get an adoption certificate. I don’t know if it’s proof to adult zombies that you can be trusted with their babies or if it’s a license to own, like an animal handler permit?
If you thought Garbage Pail kids (twisted takes on Cabbage Patch) were repulsive, Zombie Babies will appall you. I caution parents that these dolls are realistic and disturbing. I may be reactionary, but I don’t advise letting kids play with Zombie Babies. My 13-year-old daughter had nightmares just seeing images on the website I had open to write this article. Few teachers would allow them in class, no matter what age. I feel a wave of nausea, just seeing the zombie costumes at Halloween. Apocalypse or not, Zombie Babies will not be welcomed at my home.