The 84th Academy Award winners have been announced, but who should win Best Acceptance Speech? Or Worst Banter? Here’s a few more awards:
Best Unintentional Upstaging: During ABC’s pre-show, fashion expert Tim Gunn interviewed Maya Rudolph. But few watched Rudolph, because they were staring at the nun behind Gunn. Was she someone’s guest? Or simply trying to be noticed? It worked.
Most Star-struck Journalist: ABC’s Robin Roberts interviews celebrities frequently, but the red carpet put her in a tizzy. She forgot to talk into her microphone while interviewing Prince Albert II of Monaco, Princess Grace Kelly’s son. And While interviewing Best Actor winner Jean Dujardin, she used her only French phrase, “merci beaucoup.” She got flustered when he responded in French, fanning herself helplessly until the director mercifully cut away.
Best Belated Christmas Present: Presenter Emma Stone wore a red Giambattista Valli dress with a gigantic neck bow. Love it or hate it, the dress was a gift to fashionistas, who can’t stop discussing it.
Best Unsung Hero: Oscar-winner Tom Hanks gave a shout-out to seat filler Carl Swaybo, who’s been filling this thankless position since 1952, occupying seats for absent celebrities, so the camera shows a full house. Wearing a powder-blue tuxedo, Swaybo must have secretly wanted to be noticed.
Best Use of Language Skills: Sandra Bullock showed off while presenting the Best Foreign Language Film award, speaking in German, which she learned as a child in Germany. Here’s what she said: “No matter which language they are in, movies are a shared experience that unites us all. They speak to the common humanity in all of us.” Sounds better in German.
Best Videotaped Segment: The cast from such improv-based films as “Best in Show” and “A Mighty Wind” channeled a 1930s focus group for “The Wizard of Oz.” Best line: Christopher Guest responding to the question, “Which character would you like to not see?” by drawling, “Dorothy.”
Best Oscars Dance Sequence Ever: Cirque du Soleil combined skill and artistic innovation into a dazzling routine beginning with high-flying Cary Grant clones flying in front of the famous “North by Northwest” plane sequence. The number incorporated acrobatics, trapeze artists, and dancers in breathtaking precision. If only they’d cut Billy Crystal’s predictable opening musical number and given us two more minutes of dazzle.
Worst Banter: The bit between Stone and Ben Stiller, where a stoic-faced Stiller tried to move it along while an over-eager Stone begged him to banter. Viewers were never so happy to hear the winners for Best Achievement in Visual Effects, because the bit was over.
Best Intentional Upstaging: Angelina Jolie, while presenting the award for Best Adapted Screenplay, stuck her shapely leg out her dress’s slit. The move elicited such a response it overshadowed the award… until the winners, three men, imitated her pose while accepting the award.
Best Thank You: Michel Hazanavicius, upon receiving Best Director for “The Artist,” said: “I want to thank Aggie, the dog. I don’t think he understands. He’s not that good.” The moment was funnier thanks to a cutaway to the dog, in an auditorium seat, barking his head off (silently).
Best Acceptance Speech: Meryl Streep, who won Best Actress, praised her hair and makeup artist, Roy Helland, who’d received his first Oscar earlier, before waxing eloquent on the honor: “I see my life before my eyes: my old friends, my new friends. The thing that counts the most with me is the friendships and the love. Thank you all for this inexplicably wonderful career.” Be prepared to hear that succinct, graceful quote in future Oscar film montages.
Most Gracious Also-Ran: Having won Best Actress at nearly every other awards program, Viola Davis might have expected to win the Oscar. When Streep won instead, Davis jumped to her feet applauding, starting an auditorium-wide standing ovation. She may have been disappointed, but you’d never be able to tell. Acting!