Pro wrestling has always evolved. And the main person behind that evolution has always been Vince McMahon. When you look at wrestling history, it’s always fun to compare wrestlers and imagine how wrestlers from different generations would interact with one another. Though popular in the 1980’s, there are several wrestlers from that era who would never make it in in WWE today. Here is a list of eight wrestlers from the 80s that wouldn’t make it in 2011.
Greg “The Hammer” Valentine
Valentine was always described as “methodical” by wrestling commentators. This basically meant he was slow. At the height of the WWFs popularity, Valentine was slower than ever. Though his wrestling was always legit and exemplary, his wrestling was better suited for the 70s. In 2011, Greg “The Hammer” Valentine would be “future endeavored.” His small brick frame and slower wrestling style would stick out like a sore thumb. Could you picture Greg “The Hammer” Valentine wrestling Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston? Greg “The Hammer” Valentine wouldn’t even be relegated to jobber to the stars status, as even those guys have to be at least six feet tall and own a few abs. Sorry Valentine, you just didn’t make the cut.
Bob Backlund
Good ole’ Bob Backlund was a great technical wrestler. He could take any opponent to school. But even in the 1980’s, Bob was a less than stellar personality. In 2011, personality and gimmicks are revered more than wrestling skill. Backlund, at the very most, would be used in a similar role to Gerry Briscoe and Pat Patterson. He could play a stooge to Mr. McMahon. But even in his prime, Backlund wrestling in the main event at Madison Square Garden with the current roster could never happen. He was just too plain white bread.
The Iron Sheik
The Iron Sheik was one of the most popular heels in the 80s. He even appeared in Cyndi Lauper’s “Goonies Are Good Enough” music video. Unfortunately, The Iron Sheik would never see the light of day in 2011 WWE. “Sheiky Baby” is far too controversial for the public WWE company. Look at what happened with Muhammed Hassan in 2005. The man had a bright future with WWE, and a year later, he was gone. The atmosphere in WWE is far too politically correct for the gimmicks like Iron Sheik.
One Man Gang
The One Man Gang was one of the most vicious wrestlers of the 1980’s. Despite a decent gimmick, and a large frame, One Man Gang would never work in 2011. World Wrestling Entertainment is far too polished for a man like Gang. Gang was a good worker, and could move well for a big man. But unless you are on the level of The Big Show or Great Khali, WWE wants their big guys to look more like Batista and Mason Ryan. It’s foolhardy to think that only guys with six packs can be considered legit threats to the WWE Championship.
Bobby “The Brain” Heenan
Even poor Bobby Heenan would be excluded from a WWE run in 2011. Nowadays, Vince McMahon has no use for male managers. They are a lost art. And that is a true loss to the fans, as a good manager is just as good as a great wrestler. Bobby Heenan is proof. He was more over than most of the wrestlers he managed. But all the guys he handled got immediate heel heat. Today, they wouldn’t allow a moderately overweight blonde with a sharp tongue on WWE television.
The Fabulous Moolah
Does this surprise anybody? The Fabulous Moolah is the greatest womens wrestler of all time. Yet, if she came along today, she wouldn’t be given a second look. Moolah was never sexy like today’s divas. She was a rough and tumble southern chick who looked like she took showers in a washing machine. Today’s women all look factory made and cookie cutter. It just goes to show that talent isn’t based on looks.
The Honky Tonk Man
Wayne Ferris was perfect as The Honky Tonk Man. He was tailor made for the gimmick. But in 2011, the gimmick would never work. It’s too over the top. Could you imagine the Elvis Presley impersonator being introduced to todays WWE audience. They would reject him immediately. The gimmick of The Honky Tonk Man only worked in the 1980’s because of its ridiculousness. Back then, it was okay to be goofy. Jeff Jarrett is the current incarnation of The Honky Tonk Man.
Hulk Hogan
The big orange goblin would never be taken seriously in 2011. His mantra of “say your prayers, eat your vitamins” would be a career killer. Moreover, Hulk Hogan was a balding, blonde haired and insane. Crowds in the 80s ate it up because they didn’t know anything about sports entertainment. Today, fans are a little more smart. And they would have seen right through Hulk Hogan like a pane of glass.