Parents are often encouraged to give everything a positive spin. My sister-in-law is a master at this technique. She can say no, without actually ever uttering the word.
“Yes, you can have a cookie, sweetheart, on the weekend, at grandmas. Won’t that be yummy?”
She does such a fabulous job at spinning; her children, and most people in fact, have no idea they were just told “No” in no uncertain terms.
We walk away thinking how well she understands, and then, “Wham, wait. Wow, how does she do that?”
The following don’t’s give me the opportunity to shout “NO! Don’t do it.” My sister-in-law would be appalled at my negativity, but I think she follows each one of these rules to a T, without letting on.
7 Parenting Don’ts
1. Don’t give chances. Escalating threats with bribes thrown in for good measure, do nothing for your authority. “Take out the trash,” does not need to be followed with, “or else.” That phrase sits there just waiting for your child to give a snarky reply. Power struggles never end well.
2. Don’t repeat yourself. While there is power in being a broken record, it annoys even me. Instead, I use my sister-in-law’s method of saying it with a smile. Once you repeat, they have you beat.
3. Don’t cave, ever. One weak moment, giving into a temper tantrum, or puppy dog eyes will set the stage for more dramatic displays the next time. No is no, even when it is wrapped in a great big yes.
4. Don’t be lazy. Your kids have energy to spare. You, on the other hand are probably dragging through the afternoon like you have bricks in your shorts, but you can’t let on. Don’t stand in the kitchen yelling at your kids. This does not generate respect, and they have the added benefit of sympathy from the neighbors as well as the excuse that they did not hear you.
5. Don’t do everything. If your child can build a Lego Starship, they can manage to make themselves a sandwich. Don’t take on anything extra; don’t hold onto chores for nostalgia sake.
6. Don’t ask. Asking if they will do something, please, implies they have a choice. If they do not have a choice, don’t start with “Can you…” or add “okay?” at the end of every sentence.
7. Don’t chase. At the surface this looks like it is in direct opposition of don’t number 4, but Kids like being chased. They live for being chased. Don’t give in.
More by Sylvie Branch:
Talking back, a good trait for kids?
Playing Hooky with Mom’s Permission
No More Yelling: Parenting Tricks from a Teacher
In-between Parenting: The Lost Tween Years
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