Are you an animal lover who’s read the rave reviews for “War Horse?” And yet, despite the claims, are you still wondering if you’ll enjoy the movie? Hearing the Hollywood hype, you would think Steven Spielberg’s production is the best thing to hit the country since cubed hay. However, don’t trade your reins and saddle in for a theater ticket just yet! Regardless of the glowing reviews, there are 5 reasons why horse lovers will hate the movie “War Horse.”
(Please note this may contain spoilers.)
1. A thoroughbred plows the field. No, we’re not taking about figuratively plowing the field with six Oscar nominations; we’re talking about literally plowing a field in Ireland. The early scenes in “War Horse” depict the main character–Joey, a thoroughbred horse–plowing a field inlaid with rocks and boulders, in dirt the texture of hardened concrete. Most horse lovers would suspend belief if the thoroughbred had taken on a level pasture with a rock or two, but not for an uphill pull, in the rain, overturning large rocks. Only an imbecile would try that with an animal with such beautiful, slender legs.
2. A horse that’s a jinx. A rabbit’s foot may be lucky–although not for the rabbit–but most animal lovers don’t consider a horse a jinx. With the exception of his original owner, Albert, everyone who owned Joey ended up with an ill-fated demise. No equestrian would believe any horse is that unlucky. Unless, of course, the rider in question is a jockey who just lost the Kentucky Derby.
3. Horses dropping like flies. Yes, it’s war. Yes, it’s awful. No, most animal lovers don’t want to see the inhumane acts perpetrated by cruel and ignorant people. Horse lovers want even less to connect emotionally with the horses and then to see them portrayed as beaten, mistreated, and starved … even if it is only a movie. It’s enough to make a horse lover pick up an AK-47 and go postal. But, not on horseback.
4. Layers and layers of barbed wired fence. One of the thoroughbred’s final obstacles is a long run through barbed-wire fence in no-man’s-land. For most horse enthusiasts, it’s torture to watch the portrayal of a terrified horse running through flesh-piercing barbs, and ending so entangled that he can’t move.
5. No credit for Joey. To add insult to injury, when the credits rolled the horses weren’t even mentioned by name. Granted, it took more than one horse to film the movie–fourteen of them playing Joey–but Spielberg could have at least made sure one of two of the horses received credit. After all, the movie is named “War Horse” not “War People.”
Sources.
Oscars Nominations 2012, Oscar.com.
Sandy Cohen, “‘War Horse’ star one of Hollywood’s Equine Elite,” Associated Press article, Mercury News.
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