New parents often dream of the perfect family. The children all get along well and everyone is happy. Maybe if you’re watching a television show. Even then, there are many disagreements that take place. Siblings often have disagreements. Add in a blended family and chances are, you’re facing a real challenge.
Don’t despair, this too will work itself out given time and a few easy tips that will encourage camaraderie among the troops.
Don’t leave the children out of all of the discussions. Make sure they are aware of the impending marriage and allow them the opportunity to meet one another as well as the spouse to be prior to the marriage taking place.
Getting along won’t be instant, often it takes hard work by all parties to have the harmony that one dreams of.
Sit down with the children and let them know that you know it will not always be easy but in households where there aren’t remarriages, the children don’t always get along either. Reassure them that it is normal to not always like their sibling but that you do have specific expectations.
Explain to the children what your expectations are. This may take some prior thought on your part so take some time and think about how you want to approach this conversation. You may even want to write it out so you don’t forget anything. In addition to the basics of not hitting, punching, kicking or swearing at each other you may have other thoughts and ideas you wish to implement.
Share with the children that you want them to be happy and get along as much as possible but that you sometimes did not always get along with your siblings. This might be a good time to share a specific story from your own childhood and show that you too have been through a similar situation. Stress to the children that if they don’t like something their new sibling does, to try to put themselves in that persons shoes and think about how they might feel.
Remind them that communicating with one another is a great first step in developing a friendship with one another. Help them to find common ground such as perhaps a loved author or activity that they may enjoy talking about or sharing Working together or sharing books by a loved author is a great way to forge their relationship and help them to learn to love each other and treat each other with respect.
Allow the children to work through their own disagreements and only step in when absolutely necessary. Make sure that the children know that you love them all equally and that you are willing to listen to both sides of an argument without immediate judgment. If a solution is obvious find a way to get one of the children to come up with it rather than you intervening in all arguments. Often true friendships are forged when the children themselves come up with the solutions on how to get along.
Be patient. Remember that youth don’t always make wise decisions. Give them room to make errors and adjustments as they go through this transitional phase. Help them to be patient with one another. Remind them that you didn’t always get along with your brother or sister either but that you found ways to compromise and get along and now your brother or sister is your closest friend.
Prepare the children for the new blended family living situation ahead of time will go far in preventing a lot of arguing and difficulties in the new family. Above all, teach them that there are simply times where we must agree to disagree and leave it at that. It is not always possible to sway another’s point of view to your perspective and that is okay too.
All of our lives we are faced with learning how to deal with other people and their differences. Teaching children how to do this at home will go far in helping them along the path of life and getting along with others.