On the Desire for Kids, Single Men with Paternal Feelings, Periods, and Spending Money

Stop here every day for a new question and answer, practical help for busy parents.

Question

Do single guys have paternal feelings? I’m 43, never married with no kids. I’ve always been independent, and I used to feel bad for guys with children because they were handcuffed for the rest of their lives. However, recently I’ve had this strange interest in babies. My brother just had another one, and I kind of envied him when I saw him with the little guy. Is this normal?


Answer

What does normal mean? Your feelings are neither unusual nor inappropriate. I guess that qualifies as normal.

Plenty of men have paternal feelings, and marital status has nothing to do with it. After all, you know many men with children. Most of them probably wanted those kids, and who are you or I to say they should feel differently?

Some men sense their biological clock just as women do. Am I suggesting you go out and get married and have some kids before you get too old? Not necessarily. If you don’t have that level of desire for a family, don’t push it. Get your baby fix by interacting with your brother’s children or the children of your friends. But don’t worry about the feelings. You’re just as much a man as you ever were.


Question

I’m a single father, and my 13-year-old daughter is acting weird. She receives $5 a week for allowance. I buy her clothes and most other things she wants, but I always check the prices first. All of a sudden she is telling me she needs more money. I ask why, and she says, “Just stuff for girls.” I ask for details because I want to check prices, as I always do. She then says the items are personal girl things and won’t tell me anything more. I’m afraid she wants the money for drugs or cigarettes, so I’m not giving her any extra. I know it could be her period, but if the costs are legitimate, why wouldn’t she tell me? Our relationship is becoming awkward. How can I fix this?


Answer

It is possible your daughter wants more money to fund bad habits. But at first blush, I don’t think so.

It sounds as if your daughter has begun to menstruate. Once she begins having a period, she will need to spend on tampons or pads – personal girl things – and she may need to replenish her underwear supply more frequently. Many girls find it difficult to talk to their fathers about this topic, and with no mother in the house, the two of you are in a delicate situation.

I suggest you approach your daughter at a time when both of you are fairly relaxed, then say something like this. “Honey, I’ve been thinking about your request for extra money. Do you need the cash to buy pads or tampons?” Don’t hem and haw about the topic, don’t talk about blood or cleanliness, and don’t try to show her how much you know about feminine-hygiene issues. Most men don’t know as much as they think they do. And even if they demonstrate expertise, most women will not be impressed.

Just address the issue directly, in a matter-of-fact tone, with a straight face. Your daughter may get embarrassed. But she’ll probably say yes. Once she does that, move on to a safer topic. “Well, that explains it. How much do you think you’ll need to cover these new expenses?” She shouldn’t need more than $10 per month, but let her start with her own figure. Once you determine the budget, add it to her allowance and never ask about it again. She has apparently figured out how to manage this new responsibility with the help of friends or female relatives, and without consulting you. And that’s just fine.

Good fathers make sure their children don’t overspend, so by all means, check those prices when she buys clothes. But great fathers understand that girls are not the same as boys, that they require a little extra dose of privacy and understanding.

If you’d like to submit an Ask The Dad question, send it to [email protected] . If you’d like to read more questions and answers, visit www.askthedad.com .


People also view

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *