When I was young I truly believed that marriage was sacred. The vows were meant to be taken seriously. Forever meant forever.
I was married at seventeen, way too young. My husband was nineteen. Over the years he became meaner and harder to understand. He was schizophrenic, but I didn’t know this. I did everything I could to make him happy. Nothing worked as his illness just became worse.
I blamed myself for every thing that went wrong. He blamed me too. I was convinced that I was crazy because I didn’t understand him. He constantly reassured me that it was me who had the problem.
He had a raging temper. He isolated me from every one I knew. I wasn’t allowed to have friends. He absolutely would not allow me to work outside the home. If I went any where without him he threw a fit. I learned to stay home.
I had lived my entire life being tightly controlled by people who were not rational. I had married him to get away from crazy parents. It was many years later when I realized that he really was dangerously insane.
I knew he was dangerous but this seemed normal to me. I thought I just needed to try harder to please him.
I did finally get out of this mess although I was with him for twenty- three years. The damage to me and my kids was phenomenal. We all have post traumatic stress disorder, and serious bouts of depression.
I can’t even imagine ever living like that again. I still blame myself. I blame myself for the damage to my kids. I’m still trying to fix this. I know I can’t but I still find myself feeling sick about the things they went through.
I’m still single and probably will remain so. I have very little patience with men now. It’s ok though because I’d rather be alone than dealing with some one else’s problems.
I know that the things he did were not my fault. He is responsible for his own actions. I just have to stay away from people like him. He is no longer welcome in my life.
My family now is me and my kids and grand kids. He will never meet his grandchildren. They will have better lives.
Marriage is something to take very seriously and there are deal breakers.