Life Lessons Learned from Leonardo DiCaprio

I will say I have watched more than my fair share of Leonardo DiCaprio movies. I understand that there are some who do not consider Leo their cup of tea, yet these people are missing out on some important lessons that can be found within the Leo library. Lessons which certainly would have made my life easier, had I had a nice unknown writer to clue me in. And yes, this article may contain spoilers. If you aren’t up to date on Leo’s contributions to the world of film, then you may not want to read further.

Lesson 1: Always wear your life jacket on a cruise. This one is rather obvious, and perhaps can be learned without seeing “Titanic”.

Lesson 2: Don’t kill yourself. She’s not really dead. Like lesson 1, this is another lesson that can be gleaned from knowledge of the base material.

Lesson 3: When choosing what should be appropriately boring entertainment for you child to fall asleep to, forego “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape”. Nine year olds will not fall asleep to this. In fact, they will be so enamored by Leo’s stunning transition into a mentally challenged teenager that they will stay up way past their bedtime just to watch Arnie.

Lesson 4: If your date says to you, “This is the story of my life,” while you’re watching The Basketball Diaries, run. Your 18 year-old hormones are raging and making you believe, falsely, that you, and you alone, can bring out that heart of gold hidden beneath a cold exterior. Your 18 year-old self is an idiot. Do not continue seeing this guy. You have been warned.

Lesson 5: Should you feel the tendrils of paranoia spread over you while watching “Revolutionary Road”, you may feel the urge to grope for reassurance from your husband by asking, “That’s not gonna be us, is it?” To which he may laugh and say, “No. We’re not that bad.” This means he’ll be leaving your behind in two weeks. Prepare yourself for the blow.

Lesson 6: You are Dolores. Minus that whole child killing thing. I’m not sure any more needs to be said as this one is disturbing enough.

Lesson 7: Now that you realize you are a horrid cross between April Wheeler and Dolores, you may want to consider getting some mental help. Nay, you should definitely get mental help. Probably some drugs to go along with all those doctors.

Lesson 8: Never date anyone who is just like a character that Leonardo DiCaprio has played because it will end badly for you. Unless you’re on lesson 1.

Lesson 9: Should you see me sitting alone at a bar, you may want to run in the other direction.


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