In spring of 2008, I moved to downtown St. Louis. I didn’t have a job. I struggled to keep a roof over my head. I didn’t know how I was going to eat. I lived alone in a bad part of town, with no family or friends nearby to help. I moved because of school, but after a semester the school took away my financial assistance. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I couldn’t justify putting myself through the stress and isolation anymore. After only 5 months, I moved back home to my parents with pennies in my pocket and the moving van running on gas fumes.
An appropriate songbook for that semester is the Psalms (All of the verses here are taken from the NRSV translation):
In a time of uncertainty, I never went hungry or homeless. God provided for me as God provided for the Israelites in the desert, and as God has provided for all people ever since.
“In your goodness, O God, you provided for the needy.” Psalm 68:10 B
“In you our ancestors trusted;
they trusted, and you delivered them.
To you they cried, and were saved;
in you they trusted, and were not put to shame.” Psalm 22: 4-5
I would not be so proud as to say I am a good Christian woman. Regardless of my sins, God remembered me and did not abandon me.
“He provides food for those who fear him;
he is ever mindful of his covenant.” Psalm 111:5
“O my God, in you I trust;
do not let me be put to shame;
do not let my enemies exult over me.” Psalm 25:2
If God is for us, who can be against us? Even if I had been a victim of crime, what could the criminal do to me? Inflict some temporary harm? I know my Redeemer lives.
“In God I trust; I am not afraid.
What can a mere mortal do to me?” Psalm 56:11
This experience taught me an invaluable lesson. God cares. God cares about me and God was watching me through all of this. While I didn’t know where the rent money or the groceries were going to come from, I never went homeless or hungry. Alone in a bad neighborhood, I was never the victim of any crime or harassment. And when things got too much to bear, God brought me back home again, safe and sound.